Unanswerable

There was a great question posed on one of the forums I read the other day. I’ve been thinking about it off and on for a couple days now, and I thought I’d share it.

- If you could choose only one, which would you prefer for one night: Great sex, then sleeping alone? Or sleeping with someone you care about without sex? –

I’ve been trying to figure out an “a” or ”b” answer to that, and I haven’t gotten there. And I think it’s because each time my mood changes, the answer changes.

In other words, ask me on any given day and get a different answer.

There are nights where I’d like nothing more than to fuck the bejesus out of someone and then just go to sleep. And there are other nights when I’d rather just put on a comfy nightshirt and curl up next to someone who just plain gives a damn about me. I thought maybe it had to do with what kind of day I’d had, but I’m not entirely sure if that’s fully true; even if I’ve had a horrible day, sometimes, fucking someone would be at the top of my list.

I’m not a huge fan of casual sex, or sex-for-sex sake. I want to at least *like the person I’m having inside me – have a friendship with them, have things in common, be able to laugh and enjoy. Without that for me, sex becomes relatively meaningless except for a physical release (which, in my experience, isn’t as good if you don’t give a flying fuck about the person you’re sleeping with). I don’t need love or even infatuation. But I do want some sort of connection for it to be mentally pleasing as well as physically.

I do realize there are people who can enjoy it for the pure physical aspect, and I don’t have anything against them, or against that. It’s just not where I come from.

So, why then, are there nights I’d rather just *fuck than cuddle?

(You’ll note I didn’t say go pick up a stranger to fuck in an alley then go home :p Hot fantasy, reality probably not so much)

I get way too deep into my mind sometimes. I think too much (shocker, I know) and if I’ve had a bad emotional or mental day, sometimes an orgasm or two brings me out of my mind and back into my body. I don’t make any secret to the fact that I have a couple of vibrators and I know how to use them /wink. Sometimes, before I can close my eyes and be assured of actually falling asleep, a quick roll with one will let me come back to the physical side of me and close off my mind. If for some reason I can’t – or don’t feel like – doing that, and I’ve been thinking too hard, it’s hell for me to get to sleep. Turning off my mind at night is hit or miss.

There are other times when I’ve had a good day (more of these than bad for awhile now, always a good thing), that I’d be content to just curl up with someone, feel their heart beat and lazily fall into sleep.

And then there are other times when I feel on top of the world that I could lay in bed and have multiple orgasms and drift happily off to sleep, without it being a ‘need’ thing.

Like I said, it just all depends, and it changes daily/hourly for me.

So I can’t answer the question fully. I hate that. :p The over-achiever in me says there is an answer for everything.

But maybe I’m wrong. This time