Subtly yours

I've never made any secret about the fact that subtle dominance makes me weak in the knees.

Not that I'm opposed to larger displays of dominant behavior. Not at all. But subtle hints of it at unexpected times just do something to me akin to that little spot right at the top of a roller coaster hill....

I forget from time to time why I enjoy that. Until it presents itself to me. And the slightest hint of a dominant nature from someone I'm spending time with makes me shudder and whimper inwardly from a simple phrase, action or request. Then I remember why I call myself a submissive woman and why I still pursue this lifestyle.

There are many levels to the kind of d/s you can have in your life. Not every level is right for every person, all things considered. People with busy work schedules, family obligations, etc - probably couldn't be at a Master/slave mentality all the time. While I'm a big advocate of mingling your sexual being into your life in all ways possible, some ways are just not possible, nor appropriate.

I see the levels working something like this:

Subtle: Mostly sexual in orientation, subtle d/s is more about mindset and occasional glimpses of power than it is about whips and chains. This is a private d/s - one shared between two people. It's more about making your heart leap up into your throat than it is about outward exhibitions of direct domination. This is easily accomplished in both public and private, because unless someone was very kink-aware, they wouldn't recognize the signs of it as anymore than a normal relationship in which one person has been designated leader and the other follower. Not to say that there's no spanking or hair pulling here, quite the contrary. But there just isn't any "me tarzan, you jane" chest pounding on a regular basis. When it rears it's head, you feel it clear down to your toes.

More Direct but Less Often: Again with a heavy emphasis on the sexual side of d/s, this type of relationship does involve perhaps many less subtle signs of dominance, but is not present all the time. Handcuffs in the bedroom, blowjobs in the shower, perhaps even in the car *grin. It involves two people who feel the depth of their respective d or s, but reserve acting on those feelings for times when it's approrpriate or time permits. The difference between this and the subtle d/s above isn't that great - but it's more of a straightforward action rather than a sneaking-up sort of thing.

More Direct, More Often: This is probably where I would place most of the people that I know in the lifestyle. They take their d/s seriously, and extend it out past the bedroom into their every day life, but not so much as it would become apparent to people not in the lifestyle or in the "know". Maybe she calls him Sir as opposed to his name as a rule. Maybe she wears a chain or "dress collar" all the time. Maybe she asks permission to masturabate. The outward signs of the relationship are much more 'in your face' to people who are privy to the details of it. Whips, chains, paddles and cuffs oh my :p

All d/s, All the Time: This is people who live the d/s lifestyle all the time. While they don't shove their relationship down the throats of vanilla folk (at least I'm hoping they don't), they don't go out of their way to hide it, either. It's full-time, all the time. Lots of people profess to live this way, but frankly I've only met a few who really do.

Having said all that, everyone has to find their own way. Having been in all four of those kinds of relationships in the past, I know that I would really struggle with the last one at this point in my life, and probably the second to last one as well. Not to say that I will never be there again, but right now, I'm just not.