I know, I know. I promised to finish that thought. Been a busy week sorta, and my parents will be here soon for the day, so lemme finish that thought and make all nice-and-good for my folks.

Secretary: The Movie. I like this movie. As a regular old fashioned movie, it's got a clear plot, with plenty of subplot action. The actors are good (I love James Spader - yummy). It's just - odd enough to be cultish, and most "regular Joe" people would probably be offended at the whole thing, so -- yea, I like it.

What I don't like is that both of these people appear to be mentally ill :( Her especially. Why do they find it necessary to show d/s in movies only when they can link it with someone who has a history of cutting, of alcohol abuse in their family, etc? What's up with that? Is that the only thing that makes it palatble for the rest of the world? And that's a heck of an image to be portraying.

But I can't help but like it, despite that *chuckle*

I watched Secretary again the other night.

My opinion that these 2 charectars are pretty messed up still stands. But I still like the basis of the movie, and the d/s elements of it.

Acck...gotta run. I got more on this. Will finish my thought later.

Seems our friend Spankboss has riled up the touchy feely d/s crowd. Ugh.

When are people gonna get it? Not everyone has their D/s wrapped up in pretty pink bows in the bedroom?

And when are people gonna stop bashing those of us who don't want it that way?

It'd also be nice if people stopped making excuses for their behavior and started accepting that life is about choices. But I don't see that happening any time soon.

I wish I had something more exciting to write about :(

I find myself being very frustrated with C the last few days. Despite phone calls and emails, I've gotten no response from him. Maybe he's punishing me. I dunno. But the stuff I need to speak with him about - are bills and such that need to be put in his name since I'm gone - it's not trivial bullshit.

I said to him before I left - right before, actually, while I was standing by the car - that I believe he thought he was a lot more dominant and I thought I was a lot more submissive. The wording there is wrong.

It's just that I don't want to submit to someone who's got no interest in being submitted to.

When a relationship disintegrates, you're looking for answers. I'm still kinda looking for them. Between the Navy and the way C's Dad's death affected him - I probably have them, but I don't want to leave it there. I know I'm not blameless here.

In the mean time, Happy Thanksgiving. Hug your loved ones. I'll be hugging my parents and my niece tomorrow.

Greetings and Salutations from Wisconsin.

I've been here about 2 weeks, and am settling in - even though I had a horrible move so far. My furniture still isnt' here. But I bought a new bed, and have been filling the apartment with new things, so that when it does arrive, I'll have a full house. I brought Sophie with me, and she is adjusting to being without Star, tho she still pines for him I think. Who could blame her? So do I.

So, without television, I've been watching DVDs on my laptop before I go to sleep. The movers missed some of the DVDs in the TV cabinet, and I ended up with my copy of BDSM: Alternative Loving with me. It hadn't even been opened. It was one of those movies I meant to watch with C., and never did. Last night, I popped it in.

First impressions: not bad. There were many things about this documentary that I liked, and just as many that I did not like. The use of "real" and "true" in reference to dominants and submissives grated on my last nerve (see: Real And True and Their Misplacement in BDSM ). Some of the people interviewed were believable, some not. I could have done without the Gorean example completely. But there was a great diversity shown - as far as gays/lesbians/het folks, and different play styles. Professional dominance was touched on, which was nice.

The best part of the entire documentary was getting to listen to Vi Johnson speak. I have read
To Love, To Obey, To Serve, and found it fascinating. I've also exchanged email with Vi, though it was ages ago. I've never gotten the opportunity to meet her, but hope that some day, I do.

All in all, it was worth the 30 bucks, if for no other reason, to confirm my gut instincts about some of the people I heard speak for the first time in the film. It was a good introduction (gawd I love to watch fireplay. Would never do it, but it's so dramatic to watch) for people, albeit perhaps a bit scary. They choose mostly good people to interview, as most of them were normal everyday people.

If you have 30 bucks laying around, and are curious, pick it up. If you don't, you're not gonna miss all that much.

Again....Where did I go?

Well, shit. I wish I could tell you.

Things around here turned to hell in a handbasket recently. Many reasons for that, but the jist of it is, I'm in the process of moving closer to home for awhile. Probably a long while. I don't know yet.

Yup, C and I are separating.

I've got some really mixed emotions about this. In a lot of ways, it's good because my needs were surely not getting fulfilled in this relationship - and this will give me time to decide if those needs are really needs, or just things I conditioned myself to want. Time to re-evaluate not only my base self, but D/s in general and my place in it. In a lot of ways, it's bad, because despite everything - I love C. Have loved him for the better part of 11 years. That hasn't changed, despite the Navy and other things. I doubt somehow it ever will. Doesn't mean it's enough. Doesn't mean it isn't.

Do I sound non-commital? Fuck yes, I am.

Intend to move around the middle or end of the month. Expect much for verbage outta me after that, cause I'll be starting the big evaluation of Screamer.

Introspective


As I’ve mentioned in the past, I run several email lists: Four Strictly lists, Ds, Ms, Spanking, and SM, plus one called Verbal Intercourse, which never got off the ground unfortunately. I’m trying to perk it up now. But the mainstay of my list management is for BDSM based lists.

Sometimes, like the last year, I feel like a fraud in that.

There’s so very little D/s in this house right now. Not only because he’s gone, but because when he’s here he is exhausted. With his dad’s death, and the subsequent estate war (still going on), there just doesn’t seem to be any energy for much of anything.

Patience has never been a strong suit of mine, but I’ve had to learn it, and learn it well over the last year. What brought C and I together in the first place, over 10 years ago, was D/s. And it’s not like either of us have changed so much that we don’t need or want that anymore. It’s just not – there.

No doubt, this is difficult. And I frustrate easily in it. But I’m trying to get better within that.

I’ve been chatting with a man on EQ about BDSM. Two of them actually – one seriously and one not seriously. I sent him (herein to be referred to as S.) some of my writing before C. left on his last cruise and he asked me a question about why a man would want to make the woman he loves cry. A few days later, when I was taking C to base in the morning, I asked him that question. His response was very simple: Because it exhibits the amount of control the man has over the woman. When I re-iterated this to S., he said that a lot of this stuff I enjoy seems to revolve around control. And I guess it does. Or, at least, it would appear that way to someone completely vanilla, learning about this stuff for the first time. It was interesting to share these pieces of myself with someone who had no experience in kink, and I actually learned a lot about myself in doing that. I’ve been pretty introspective about it, and some other things, for the last couple weeks, and I expect quite a bit of thought and writing to come from that. At least, I hope it will.

Okay, well, I'm still alive.

YAY!

It's been a bad winter/spring here. Christmas was insane, and 7 days after we returned home from our trip to Iowa and Wyoming, my father in law passed away and we had to return to Wyoming for three weeks. Since then, C has gone out to sea again for a short cruise and is now out on a long cruise. No idea when he'll return. So I'm left at home dealing with the estate and various other things - and playing a lot of EQ.

Expect to see me back ranting and raving real soon, if anyone is still checking....hello...hello...echooo.....