Take a Hint

Several years ago, a man named Dr John Gray wrote a book that most people started taking as a bible for relationships. "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" took off like a shot and made Dr Gray a very wealthy man.

This is not to say that his book doesn't have merit; it does. I read it shortly after it came out (in my never-ending attempt to understand just exactly WTF men are thinking sometimes....) and I did enjoy it, and gain some insight from it.

However, as with all other "self-help" books, just reading it isn’t enough. You have to actually start to use the information in your life for it to mean anything.

I have, to a certain extent. But there are just some things that are ingrained in the psyche of most women. Things that it takes a great deal of dedication and energy to overcome. I speak of one thing in particular here - one thing that I have not yet "learned" well enough to put into consistent practice, but a thing that rears it's ugly head for me quite often.

I've expounded on the beauty of subtly many times in this blog. And I would never take a word of that back; each and every word of it is true. But! Women and men I think process subtly differently. Hence, the problem herein:

Men do NOT take hints.

I know this. I'm a pretty smart woman and I've been around the block a time or two. And yet, even knowing it, I continue to do it; I drop a hint, and am disappointed when it's not picked up on. I was looking on the web earlier for a suitable quote to go with this post, and instead I found very wise words from a message board:
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Originally posted by xxx:

If you drop me a hint about something, it will never happen. Men don't do hints. If we spot 'em, we ignore 'em.

*phew* happy to know I'm not the only one who ignores the hints he does receive.

It's not because I want to be ignorant -- I just don't want to run the risk of misinterpretation, which is always inevitably far worse than not noticing at all.

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Shit, is THAT it? Are y'all even more afraid of being wrong that we are? *smirk*

Anyway...

What defines a "good girl" is different today than it was 50 years ago. Hell, it's different than it was 5 years ago. But our mothers raised us to be good girls. (Those of us who were lucky enough to have those kinds of mothers, that is). They raised us to be strong but soft; independent but not arrogant. They raised us to believe that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and that if you want something, there is always a better way to get it than being demanding. And that there were prettier ways to get your way than being completely blunt.

As much as I love my mother, they're all wrong on that last count. At least, in the year 2007.

Most of the time, you have to be blunt. You have to be as brutally honest and as candid as you can possibly be if you expect any sort of result at all. Doing so comes with risk. But not doing so comes with the almost certainty that you've going to be left waiting -- for action, for answers, for affection, for attrition. If you don't ask or tell, apparently, you simply do not *get. Yes, when you ask directly you take a chance of not getting the answer/affection/action you're asking for. But chances are you aren't going to get it by dropping little hints either.

I'm better at this than I used to be. But I'm still not good at it. Perhaps my frustration will make me good at it. Only time will tell I suppose. It’s just one of those things you have to put into practice.

I can think of a lot better things I’d rather be practicing *grin. But I guess this will have to do for now.

Before I end this, I wanted to quote this part of the message again:

I just don't want to run the risk of misinterpretation, which is always inevitably far worse than not noticing at all.

and ask….

Is it? Is being wrong worse than frustrating someone who’s trying to communicate with you? Maybe I just need some examples. I see a google search in my future~