The Other Side of the Bed (so to speak)

Okay, now that I have the preamble out of the way, I can get down to the topic that I really wanted to talk about: sexual dominance – mine, not yours.

For the first several years of my sexual life, I was completely and utterly submissive in bed. This was before I’d heard of d/s, and before I’d met anyone that I’d really call ‘a dominant’. It’s just the way I was – for whatever reason. If my lover held me down, bit me, whispered nasty names, told me to beg – yea, it was gonna be a good time, and all was right with the world. Play rough, and you’ll get me going very quickly.

It wasn’t really until I’d met M that I’d even considered that there *were other options as far as sex was concerned. Well, I knew they were there, I just didn’t think I would enjoy them.

But, I was wrong.

It’s a completely different experience than being sexually submissive, and truth be told, being submissive – or at least not dominant – is my normal mode and my favorite. But every once in awhile, it’s nice to take the reins and watch his eyes as you tell him exactly what belongs to you and what you intend to do with it.

Pretty out of character for a woman who self-identifies as a submissive, eh? But really – is it?

I guess in the strictest sense, it is. I’ve known an awful lot of submissives and/or slaves in my time that I just could *not see acting this way at all. And then again I’ve met a lot that I could see.

Is there a big difference between being sexually aggressive and sexually dominant? Not as much as you might think. So, if you have a dominant who likes his submissives to be sexually aggressive, are you really crossing any lines? Or, are you serving his needs in the way he desires?

And if you *are serving his needs, and you aren’t getting anything out of it (shame on you!), then how can it be un-submissive?

Okay, that’s a lot to take in. It’s a lot of unanswered questions that I can’t answer for you. I can answer them for myself though.

Yesterday, I wrote about being “bad”. That’s being sexually aggressive in the dictionary definition. I want what I want when I want it. Am I always like that? No. But there are times when I am past the point of worrying about protocols and caring about how my actions are perceived. As I said in my previous post, if I were not in a relationship with someone who had specifically told me ‘Don’t DO that’ then I’d likely at least test the boundaries of it to see what his reaction to it was. If they were favorable, then all bets would be off and he’d likely end up tied to the bed with me using his cock as a toy *grin

A few years back, I wrote a story called “The Tease”. This was a vanilla story, written for someone I was semi-involved with at the time that was completely vanilla. At the beginning of the story, rope is threatened but never used, and the female in the story basically just tells him some rules about laying still then goes to town, teasing him mercilessly for an extended period of time. It was really the first time I had explored anything like this in my fiction and it was very enjoyable to write. He didn’t take to the story as I had hoped he would (actually, he didn’t comment on it at all, which for me when I’m writing for someone specifically isn’t encouraging). So, I began to think that maybe it wasn’t so vanilla after all, and that maybe this actually was being sexually dominant rather than just ‘fun play sex’.

I’ve given the story to a couple of other people who have at least a mild interest in kink and they both enjoyed it. I actually have another set up to write in this vein, but with a few other and different twists to it. It’s a part of myself I’d like to explore, and haven’t really gotten to, in flesh or words – except with M. There’s making a move, and then there’s taking over. Moves I can make. Taking over is relatively new to me.

I wonder if saying ‘hurt me’ to someone who’s fucking you is considered sexually dominant… *grin