Compelled

Something came to mind for me this morning while I was getting ready to clean out candles jars in preparation to pour some later tonight.

Several years ago, when I started my candle/soap business, I always said that once it started to really feel like a job, I'd lose the business end of it. And I did. It started to feel more like work and less like fun, so I just stopped. I still make both candles and soap - and body butter and lotion - for myself and my friends and family. But selling it pro-actively isn't something I want to get into again.

My writing is the same way.

The story I quoted last night wasn't fun to write. It was work. I was very motivated to get it done, and I knew that I needed to write it. But it was a struggle from the first moment. The visuals and the ideas behind the story are very attractive to me. But writing it was just hard work. And I think it shows. It's just not one I'm very happy with.

In contrast, the story I quoted here was a lot of fun to write. It went quick, it was good, and writing it, fantasizing it through, was hot.

So why then do I feel compelled to continue with stories that aren't fun?

Beyond the typical Type-A, Anal-Retentive, Good Girl thing I have going on, I think it's just a piece of my brain that says "You started it, now you finish it."

Compelled is a good word for that. That's exactly what I feel when I struggle as I did.

I like the word compelled normally. I like the idea of feeling that I need to do something whether I want to or not. There is a serious sense of accomplishment that goes along with that, when it's finished. It's a matter of pride, I suppose.

But back to the fiction aspect....

I have a couple stories on my list to work on. One I just added last night after being inspired in a most interesting fashion. I may have to work on it tonight between candle pours...

Question is, are you ready for more? /grin