I am not less because...

So yesterday, I wrote about being flexible. And last night while I was watching TV, another thought occurred to me (which, by the way, is not helping the number of topics on my list go down at all).

There are dominants. There are submissives. And there are switches.

In many parts of the community, switches are looked down upon. C felt much the same way about switches as he did about bisexuals – ‘they need to make up their mind’.

This bothers me.

Why do I care? Well, because technically, I am a switch. I do occasionally enjoy topping women (as in tying them up and beating them *grin) and I occasionally enjoying being sexually dominant. (You’ll do it until I tell to you stop. Now get busy!). I don’t really enjoy topping (tying up and beating) men (and no, I don’t know why I just don’t). I’m not a switch in the purest sense of the word. But I can spin on a dime if the feeling overtakes me.

If you believe as I do that life is a series of adventures and experiences – and you believe that pleasure can come from more than one place – why would anyone turn their nose up at a person who can get it from either end of the whip?

It’s that kind of purist attitude that makes dealing with the community as a whole intolerable for me.

You must pick a side. You must be ‘Safe, Sane and Consensual’ (oh yes, because I want to live my life by an advertising slogan *eyeroll). You must follow this rule and that rule and …

See where I’m going here?

Am I less a submissive because I occasionally like to redden the ass of a female who asks me to? (Not that I’ve been asked in a long time, but hey – I haven’t been anywhere to be asked, either). Am I less a submissive because when I happen upon a man who has a yen to submit to me between the sheets, I indulge him (and me) in that?

And if I am, do I really give a rat’s ass?

In this world, you accept yourself and you adapt yourself accordingly. If you don’t, you’re setting yourself up for a world of disappointment. And frankly there are enough ways to be disappointed. Why add on more?

*If I were in a serious relationship and during the course of that relationship it was decided that I, as a submissive, wasn’t going to top anyone or be sexually dominant – and I agreed to it, because the relationship was more important to me – then okay. That’s situational. It’s agreed upon. But for someone to say – to us unattached females who enjoy exploring all of our kinks – that we are less submissive because we like to ‘play’ is just – well it’s not nice. So stop it.

(This little rant brought to you by another topic on my list, and this is the pre-amble for it, just so that I can be clear about where I’m going with that one)