Screamer, where are you?

So I've been carrying around my moniker of Screamer for nearly 14 years now. C gave it to me, after having enjoyed a little aural experience with me on the phone one evening *smirk*. And it stuck. I used it exclusively in BDSM circles for most of my time in them. I write BDSM essays under the name, have been published online and in print using the name (or Screamer Girl), have used it as email addresses, chat logins, etc.

But for some reason, I don't find myself using it that much anymore. Even the title of this blog doesn't have the name in it anymore. I do still have my webpage, but it's in need of an update in serious fashion. But it's faded from me somewhat, from either my use or identity.

I'd like to credit my finally letting go of C once and for all (there is no going backwards, ever again) with that, but I'm not entirely sure that's actually the case. Maybe I'm just moving beyond it. I more identify by my first name (*shock*) or my gaming handle (Sola) now.

The part of myself that earned the nickname is still alive and well, and probably much better developed - less shy, more open - than she was 14 years ago. I've written before that begging, asking, telling -- these things during sex for me at one time were unthinkable. (Back in the dark ages, you know -- my early 20's *smirk*). As I've experimented and experienced and gained a better self-knowledge though, they have become much more natural for me. I don't force it; it's either there or it's not.

I haven't had any complaints *wink*

It's just funny to me how the identity seems to be fading ....

Screamer still exists.... she just doesn't have a need to announce it anymore *smirk*