Reality. Fantasy. Surprises.

A very clever friend of mine said recently: "I rather like not "getting" everything about another person. It's good to have a reminder that I'm dealing with an real individual, not a reflection of my own fantasies. "

I found it so clever that I threatened to steal it. And I've made good on my threat *grin*

He's rather right-on with that though. Occasionally, when someone we think we know does something out of the ordinary - or, what we perceive is ordinary for them - it throws us off balance a bit. And usually, that can end up being a very good thing (provided the out of the ordinary thing is not destructive ya ya ya disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer)

In my world outside the bedroom, I have a love-hate relationship with surprises. Sometimes, they're fun. Sometimes, they're excruciating.

Inside the bedroom, I'm a big fan of them. Surprises can easily take me 'out of a moment' and put me into another one. That's fun. I like being brought out of that lull of a false sense of security into a whole different territory sometimes. It may back off the 'countdown' a bit, but typically it extends the pleasure and tends to make the final product (yes, I'm being specifically vague here) more enjoyable in the long run.

When it comes to people, I like to see that they have more dimensions than you can easily see. Just when you think you have someone figured out - bam! - out of the blue they'll do something that appears out of character for what we know of them, though it's likely it's completely normal for them. We just haven't seen that side of them yet. I really enjoy getting to know people, and this is a big part of that.

Now, I do realize that quirks that seem to be endearing at the beginning of any kind of relationship can end up driving you insane after awhile. And I also realize that the more you get to know about someone, the more of a risk exists that you won't like them anymore. But for someone like me who enjoys the intellectual pursuit of sensual pleasures (and no, sensual is not always = sex, thankyouverymuch), that 'getting to know you' stage is incredibly fun.

We do tend to project our feelings/thoughts/instincts about another person onto them. And sometimes, we see them only as we want to see them. It isn't until they do something that surprises us that we're brought back to the reality that - yes, they are a separate person from what we've created them to be in our mind.

That can hurt us. Or it can make us like the person all the more.

In the end, I'd rather have a real person in my life than a cardboard-cutout of them I created in my mind. And even though fantasy is a big part of my life (you can't write without an active fantasy life *grin*), I can deal with reality just fine.