Hotter in Fantasy

I mentioned a few days ago how the whole “find a stranger in a bar, take them out back into the alley and fuck them, then go home” thing is a hot fantasy, but when the reality of it comes into play, it doesn’t seem as exciting as the fantasy itself.

There’s a lot of stuff out there like that. Stuff that sounds incredibly hot, but when it comes right down to it, it just doesn’t work (for you, for me, whatever – maybe it does work for that guy over there, but we’re not talking about him right now, are we?)

I don’t know if it comes down to being realistic, or if sometimes things are just better left in our imaginations where they are born. I do realize that for pretty much almost any fantasy out there, someone has done it, or at least tried to do it. I know women who have picked guys up in bars and fucked them in alleys or cars, or even bar restrooms. I know a woman who takes her humiliation fantasies to the extreme, and whose husband caters to her every desire in that area, and invites friends to participate. For them, that works. For most of us though, those sorts of things are best left to our masturbatory thoughts.

When I started writing this, I was trying to come up with a few other examples. That’s harder to do than I thought, not because I’m trying to be politically correct or anything, but the fact is – what might not work for me in reality probably works really well for a bunch of other people. And to be honest, if it’s something you haven’t tried, how would you know if it works for you or not? There are exceptions of course. Sometimes things that can get you arrested or at least make you feel morally bankrupt the next day make great fantasy. The reality of it is though that none of us wants to go to jail, or feel like shit the morning after. Guilt is a horrible thing, no one wants that.

There have been things I’ve done or tried over the last several years that definitely fit this bill. Things that sounded incredibly erotic and turned out to be either disturbing, or just plain didn’t work. I guess you never really know until you try. But it’s deciding if you have the drive to *try that’s the stumbling block.

For kinky folks, sometimes the more extreme something sounds – the dirtier, the more perverse, the more outrageous – the hotter it makes them. We all have lines of course (at least, I hope we do), but for the most part, if you’re turned on by something that’s a little off the vanilla meter, your fantasies will get more out-there as you try more new things. That’s normal. That’s just how it works.

But finding the line between what you will do – and what really only makes you hot to talk about, think about, write about – is difficult sometimes.

I typically try to keep my fiction at least semi-realistic. I have written (and am sure will write again) things that turned me on a LOT to write them, but that I’m not entirely sure I’d have the guts to do (or would enjoy if I did) off the paper, but they are the exception typically and not the rule. And I’m fine with that. The fact is, fiction is just that – fiction. And while I try to write things that I really would enjoy doing, occasionally I write things that I probably would never do, simply because the thoughts exist in my head and I want to give them some time. I think that’s why I enjoy fiction so much – it lets me do that – be pretty much as perverse as I want to be, without actually waking up with that “oh my god, did I really do that?” feeling.

In the end, experimenting and exploring are what it’s all about. And unless your hot fantasies involve possible jail time or imminent guilt, there’s nothing wrong with at least talking about them, and seeing how they fit into your sex life, or if they even do. Sometimes just saying them out loud takes care of that decision for you.