Halfway

I don’t do things half way most of the time. I have a hard time doing things that I don’t invest myself fully in. There are exceptions. I’m typically not all that excited about doing things that are ‘good for me’ like doing things for my folks or work. But I will give 100% to these things whether I feel them fully passionately or not.

There is another exception, too. And that’s being half-dressed.

While I realize that in our culture, sex is typically done naked. But in my culture – in the Jill Book of Human Sexuality – being half dressed and getting fucked is pretty terrific. It says something, you know? It says “I can’t wait long enough to get my clothes all the way off. I need to have you right now.” Even if that isn’t in reality saying that, the aura of it is certainly present. Urgency can be sexy as hell. It can be expressed in many ways, and fucking without taking the time to take all of your clothes off is one of those ways. Dishelved, hair messed up, lipstick smeared, clothes hanging off. Hot.

It’s a little kinky, a little against the rules, a little this side of vanilla. That in and of itself is enough.

Urgency is not ‘half way’. Urgency is full on need expressed in action and word. Urgency is a borderline inability to control desire.

Urgency is hot.

Sitting around my house in something that is not presentable to be worn outside, like a sexy nightgown or a T-shirt and nothing else – while not any sort of display of urgency in the forefront – represent that to me, too. It says to me that even if I’m not in the mood when I dress that way, if something puts me in the mood, what I need to have available to me is readily and easily available. I don’t do it often, but I do occasionally do it. It usually will put me in the mood to take advantage of the fact that I’m dressed that way. I did this last night. And it kept me on edge for most of the night. It’s a pretty incredible feeling.

Maybe that sounds a little obsessive. Maybe it does sound like I’m captivated by sex. And maybe I am. Maybe I just like putting it to the forefront of my mind because it gives me something fun and happy to concentrate on.

Doesn’t matter really, does it? Sexuality is what it is. I have never been one of those kinds of people who didn’t enjoy sex and I’ve never been one of those kinds of people who didn’t want sex. Even when I went 14 months without fucking anyone, sex was still important to me, and I had as many orgasms as I wanted; wrote about it; dreamed about it and talked about it.

Nothing half way.