Bravo is one of my go-to channels for my reality distractions, and the home to a show called "Millionaire Matchmaker", hosted by Patti Stanger. She drove me crazy for awhile, but she is entertaining (she yells at men when they treat women badly, it's really quite funny to watch) and occasionally she has some wisdom to depart on those of us who don't understand this whole 'dating' thing.
Awhile back, when I decided half-heartedly that I was sick of being alone and it was time to get rolling into the dating scene and I was cruising around Amazon for the geek equivalent of "Dating for Dummies" (there is none. I mean, there is a "Dating for Dummies" but I skipped it), I ran across Patti's own How to book, Become Your Own Matchmaker, and bought a used copy of it (used books on Amazon are my not-too-guilty pleasure). I read some of it when I got it, and then got distracted by something else, so it was just sitting here.
Since I do occasionally go have a smoke in my car at work now, and since I discovered that if I'm not just sitting there, staring at the dashboard I don't smoke as much of the cigarette, I've taken to putting books in the car that I can't seem to find time at home to read. Mostly non-fiction. Mostly stuff that's broken up into short chapters. (This is where I read the entirety of "Everything you wanted to know about sex...."). This week, Patti's book graced my front seat.
I'll admit that I probably haven't got much out of reading the book. Maybe I'm resistant. Maybe I'm stubborn. Whatever the reason, I just don't think I've learned much, though I *have been entertained. (She has a co-writer, but you can definitely tell that it's her stories and her words in most places).
So I didn't really learn anything.
Until today.
In a chapter entitled "Adventures in Dating", in a sub-chapter called "The 4:1 Rule", Patti says:
...you must give something back to him, but you can't top him. The woman who gives more than the man in a relationship reverses the masculine/feminine roles. First, the man will appreciate it, then he'll expect it, and eventually, he'll resent it.
Fucking hell. Are you kidding me? Is that what I've been screwing up this whole time? *chuckle (okay, no, I'm sure that's only a portion of what I've been screwing up *grin)
Look, there has only been one relationship that's lasted longer than 2 weeks that I've been in where the man made more money than I did. One. Just one. Because I have an innate sense of fairness, I always figured if I had more, I should spend more.
I mean, no. That's not the only reason I've broken Patti's Golden Rule thousands of times in the course of my life. There's the insecurity and wanting to give give give to try to get get get. There's guilt for not being *quite what someone wanted and trying to compensate for what I felt were my shortcomings. Thankfully, those last two sentences are no longer issues for me, but looking back at it now, what she says - the outcome portion of it anyway - seems to be...wow. Right the hell on. And reading it gave me one hell of an AH HA moment.
So much so that the book actually came inside tonight (I usually leave whatever I'm reading in the car until I'm done with it) so that I could write this and then maybe spend some more time seeing if she can find anymore of my dumb blonde moment fuckups to share with me.
I mean, look. If I knew what I was doing, I wouldn't be single, would I? *grin
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