Suffer

While I realize this song isn’t about dominance and submission, some of the lyrics reflect how I feel.

Criminal, Fiona Apple
I've done wrong and I want to
Suffer for my sins
I've come to you 'cause I need
Guidance to be true
And I just don't know where I can begin

This is how I feel about punishment.

If I’ve done something wrong, by all means, punish me immediately and let it be over with. I’m not a person who enjoys carrying around bucketfuls of guilt and shame, and I would much rather take the punishment of his choosing and know it was over with, then and there. Life is far too short to spend hours of your time trying to fix a wrong, wishing you had behaved differently, or asking repeatedly for forgiveness.

It’s also how I feel about pain.

“I want to suffer for my sins” conjures up so many frightening and yet breathtakingly arousing pictures. I prefer to take my pain for someone else. I want to suffer for someone who wants me to. No, it’s not a *gift* to them or a selfless act; not at all. I do it for me. It makes me hot to “take it for someone else’s pleasure.” I’m not a masochist. I thought for a long time that I was, but the truth is, there are very few acts of pain that turn me on physically. Oh, I like rough hot nasty mean sex as much as the next person *chuckle* don’t get me wrong. But I’m not talking about sex here. I’m talking about “play”. For lots of folks, those two are the same, but not for me. They can be mingled and mixed together, certainly. But I’m able easily to keep them separate as well.

I’m of the mind that the proper partner for a sadist is a submissive, not a masochist. If you use the finite definitions of those two words, a sadist isn’t whacking on someone for their pleasure; he’s wanting them to suffer and hurt. And a masochist, at some level, isn’t suffering at all, she’s getting off. That, of course, is my own little opinion and I’m welcome to it ?