Defining...stuff.

My horoscope today says, in part, "Can you take care of yourself and advance your ambitions if you're fully occupied with appeasing those around you?"

And actually, that's something that's been on my mind more and more lately.

I've spent the better part of my life pleasing others. My family, especially. Though in the last few years, I've worried less and less about what my family thinks of who I am. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, and I bend over backwards to make them happy. But I'm not giving up myself to do that anymore. I don't even think they noticed the difference *Chuckle*

Over the last 10 years or so, I've also given a fuck less what other people think about who I am, and how I run my life. You'll note that many of my views of BDSM are not the popular ones. And I'm not afraid to speak my mind about them. I would rather be honest with myself - and my readers - than I would politically correct.

Between the diet, exercise, taking better care of my hair so that it stays long and healthy, getting my nails done (mmm, I love my nails, so happy I started doing that again) - I am taking care of myself more, and appeasing others less. And I don't feel a bit bad about that.

Although .... of course, I'm not done.

Although.... I can't say I'd be hugely disappointed to take care of someone else, too. Being Type A, I have a lot of energy most of the time, and if I don't spend it, it just builds up and I have to spend a couple quality hours with Mr Hitachi *grin*(not a bad thing :P). I've concentrated solely (or mostly so) on myself for the last 2 years. It'd be nice to have someone else's needs to tend to as well.

I'm still not convinced that I want a full time relationship. I'm still hedging that bet, and shying away from it, at least for the time being.

But I'm also not completely ruling it out now.

So, what I'm pondering today is this: How far is it possible to go with BDSM without that "relationship" string? And, what exactly is it that constitutes a relationship? Bonding? Love? Sex? Friendship? If I say that I don't want a full time relationship, what things about a relationship am I willing to give up?

I'm not willing to give up: Friendship and sex. Preferably having both together (I will not settle for less than friendship), but friendship without the sex is acceptable. I miss sex, don't get me wrong *chuckle* but I can and have lived without it, and I won't compromise myself to get it.

I'm not willing to give up my personal space. I have lived with people - children and adults - for the better part of the last 20 years, and frankly, I am enjoying being in my own apartment for now. I like knowing where everything is, that it hasn't been touched (unless the cats took an interest in it), and that it'll be there later when I need it. Do I get tired of a cold bed? You bet your ass I do. Do I want it filled every night? No... not right now in my life. One or two nights a week might work though *eg*

But you know, my darlings, that the minute someone who takes my breath completely away and holds it for more than a week steps into my life, everything may or may not change~ That's the beauty of all of this.

So, how far is it possible to go with BDSM without that "relationship" string? I don't think you can get far without a relationship of some sort, but it certainly doesn't need to be some big love affair leading to marriage and babies. *cringe*

Maybe I just need a really really good dominant friend who likes busty blondes and tying them up to do wicked things with them *grin*