Give me more than I can stand.

Something else I love is music. My tastes are ecclectic, and I listen to a huge variety of mostly rock and roll from all eras. At 5pm typically there are more commercials than tunes on the radio, so I reach into the CD folder and grab whats handy. Yesterday on the way home, I had Matchbox 20's Mad Season in.

I like this whole CD. "Rest Stop" is a unique tune that I really like. But what was playing when I started thinking about writing this was "Bent". I tend to sing in the car if I'm alone. Loudly. Though, luckily, I'm on key :P Anyway, I'm jamming along, trying to navigate through the morons on I-90 (have I mentioned that I hate traffic? I do.) And one line of this song made me stop singing, and start the song over. I have always liked this tune. But for some reason, the lyrics hit me like a ton of leather last night.

If I need some of your love again
Give me more than I can stand

No, this song has nothing to do with BDSM, but the 2nd line there made me grin like a cat and start writing in my head. See? Words. So simple. So inspiring~

You will have an idea in your head of how much (whatever) I can take. I will have this idea, too, even though our ideas may not match, or even be close. Will you stop there? Will you look me in the eye and think I've had enough? Or will you stop when you've had enough, my limit be damned?

I love being pushed. Call it a sickness, or whatever you like, but I love the feeling of steamrolling over the top of a pain/mental limt that I was sure was solid. I may not like it the moment it happens, but I can assure you - if it doesn't cross my gross-out/moral line, I will thank you for it later. I am one of those people who are continually exploring the dark, dank parts of myself that never get to see the light of day. Pushing me over a "line" lets me do that - safely, and with encouragement.

I've said many times that I've been doing this for a long time. A lot of the dominants I'm running into on boards, etc now are newer to the scene. They don't know their limits yet, but they're erring on the side of caution (as is safe to do .. but frustrating for someone who knows that there is so much more in there to come out). I even see some of the older school type dominants looking just for people who are new to the scene - to train in their image or to teach. (I am making a few generalizations here. I don't do it often, so I am allowed)

So, what'a a girl to do? Take one of these newer doms by the hand and encourage them to release their inner demon? Or pretend to be less of what I am to attract one of the ones that's looking for a newbie?

If I had to choose, I'd take the first option. Pretending to be something I'm not to get something I need outside of a roleplay scenario isn't my idea of fun. I said when I first opened myself back up to this that the last thing I wanted to do was "teach" someone how to dominate me, but as I explore these feelings that have been pent up for 2 years inside me, I realize that maybe that's exactly what I should do. We'll see what happens with that.

Until then, I'll keep looking for -- more than I can stand.