Control #2

I rarely buy written erotica. I enjoy it, don't get me wrong, but typically unless I have a title, sifting through the lists is just tiring. And I rarely find anything I truly enjoy.

I did find a book (At Border's of all places) recently called "Bad Girls" which is put out by Chimera Press, and was a series of spanking stories. Damn good ones, I may add. I also found another at Border's called "Slave to Love" which was a slick glossy looking book of short stories, and I was so piqued at the picture on the cover that I bought it, too. And it turned out to be another excellent read.

There was one story in particular in this book that turned my brain on(think-wise) as well as other parts of me(sex-wise). It involved a husband and wife, and was basically all about him controling her sexually.

And that got me seriously thinking (you knew it would)....

How far does your control go? How far do you want it to go? Is it all foreplay, even if it takes place in the kitchen or garage?

In other words - is all control in BDSM relationships about sex, at it's basest levels?

It seems to me that in 90pct of the BDSM relationships that I've witnessed in my life, everything was foreplay to actual sex. Even if it was as simple as fetching coffee or changing the TV Channel, the very idea of the dominant having that kind of control of the submissive - to tell her what to do, when to do it, and how fast - was completely sexually charged for both people. The rush of dominance or submission seems to go straight to the crotch, even if you know you're not going to get to actually have a release for hours, days or weeks.

For people who only play with BDSM in a sexual arena - meaning in the bedroom, or as direct foreplay (spankings, whippings, etc etc), this is obviously true

But what about people who don't? And who carry it through each portion of their lives: Family, friends, work, home, health. How much of that is actually sexual and how much of it is just a bigger piece of who they are, and what makes them feel whole and alive?

We do refer to BDSM as an alternative sexuality. Does that mean it's all about the sex?

No, I don't believe that. I know for myself personally it's not, although that is a big chunk of it.

(continued)