Zoning

It's called many things. Subspace, bottom-space, floating.... none of those have ever quite fit me, so I simply call it "the zone"

What's the zone?

The zone is where I go when I let the outer walls fall back a bit. When the walls drop, so does the incessant need to be right, on time, as near perfect as I can be. I can stop focusing on what's outside and focus on what I need inside. Selfless is replaced by need. Responsible to everyone is replaced by responsible to just the one who's put me in the zone. Perfection is achieved easily when I can fulfill his needs and requests, and that's all it takes.

In other words, I can stop thinking so fucking much, and react.

There's a physical reaction, certainly. Several of them actually, including my eyes being half open most of the time and a slight lightheadedness, almost like a very small buzz. There's also the throb and the wet and the need that accompanies that for me.

I used to think the zone was addicting. But as I sit here this morning, not remotely hungover from it *grin*, I think it's less about a "fix" and more about my body and mind simply remembering who and what I am.

When so much times passes for me between zones, I tend to set it aside and devalue it's importance. I tell myself that I don't need it, that I can live perfectly happily for the rest of my life without it. And then I hit one - and all bets are off /wink. I remember what it feels like to belong and be beholden to someone for your actions and words. And I remember how hard it is to try to describe these feelings to someone else. Not because you don't want to share them, of course, but simply because some things were not meant to be clearly explained *smile* Some things, you just have to feel~