*can* vs. *do*

There is a big difference, in my opinion (which is rarely humble, by the way), between actually doing something, and knowing you *can* do it at any time.

Typically, knowing you *can* is more than enough for people in most circumstances.

Example: a new submissive/dominant couple begins to explore. She tells him that she'll give him whatever control over her life that he'd like. He says fine, and makes a list of things that he is able to control about her life: clothes, food, phone and computer time, etc. A month passes, and the couple is happily living life, and yet - he's never made any demands on her about her clothes, food, computer, etc.

Why aren't they complaining? Because while he *hasn't* made any demands, he *can*, at any moment and they both know it. She stays on her toes, because at any moment, he could take away her chocolate or her favorite black blazer.

Oh, I know that doesn't work for everyone. There are submissives (and I've met a lot of them) that need the *actual* control day and night. They aren't happy roaming around in the *can*, they need the *do*. Even if the dominant from the couple above would make a small demand (red blouse, black spike heels to dinner) once every month or so, it wouldn't be enough for some submissives. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but there's a more-than-fine-line between the *do* and the *can*, and I'm not entirely sure that everyone "gets that" when they first start exploring this lifestyle.

I hope maybe now a few will :)