Lambasted

On one of the d/s email lists I'm on - one that's pretty inactive most of the time - a submissive woman made a posting about something bad that had happened to her. I did feel bad for her, and probably wouldn't have responded at all, except for some reason she felt it necessary to make some off-hand comment about how 'we' 'in the lifestyle' are so much more 'aware' of things like health and safety issues.

We are? Really?

No, we are not. That's a myth; a crock of shit, actually. Submissive men and women are no more careful than anyone else who meet people either in clubs or online. It's yet another way for 'lifestylers' to elevate themselves apart from, or above, vanilla people but it's just not fact.

And it's one of my biggest pet peeves in the 'lifestyle'.

I almost let it go. I sat on it for a couple minutes, and re-wrote my response to her a few times. In the end, I was simply blunt in saying that - no, sorry - we aren't any better at it than Joe Vanilla down the street.

Then I got accused of lambasting her when she'd come seeking support. Yea, who didn't see that coming? I don't know who put it in the submissive rule book that we were supposed to be sweet to everyone and supportive of people even when they act like idiots, but I ripped that out of my book and burned it in effigy.

Maybe I need to come with a warning label: "Warning: Fluffy, Cuddly BDSM Bullshit not tolerated on these premises. Feel free to move along." I am straightforward. I am honest. I am realistic. I am -- Screamer.

I did discover that this isn't just the 'lifestyle' that does this, though - the whole 'we must be nice' thing.

Awhile back, in one of the online games I play, I got treated very poorly by someone I had been friends with for quite some time. I took my leave of him, and most of his friends at that point, and just ignored them. Awhile later, one of his female friends caught up with me on Myspace and tried to get me to talk to her, and to return to being friendly with them all. I patiently explained to her that as an adult female, I get to choose who I associate with, and because of the way I felt violated by my former friend, I didn't choose to associate with him at all.

And then I got lambasted for being 'immature'.

What, just cause I don't want to cuddle up to someone who fucked me over? God, the nerve of me.

In truth, I am an empath, and I do feel realistic pain from people who've been hurt. But I have no empathy - or sympathy - for people who knowingly and willingly bring it onto themselves, intentionally or not. And as I said, I did feel bad for the submissive. But not bad enough to let her 'holier than thou' remark fly. Which apparently negates me telling her that I was sorry for her pain somehow.

Who makes these rules? *snicker*

Remind me to go back through the Submissive Rule Book and rip out those pages, too.