How Important.

Over the last ten days or so, I’ve had the opportunity to explore a bit about what I really want. That came from two things: first, I had an actual date *smirk and second, I had a few decisions to make about some other things that are going on in my life.

Between thinking and journaling, and asking some questions, I got a bit of clarity that I really needed.

There are a lot of things that are important to me when it comes to men. Things like a sense of humor with a serious side, natural intelligence and leadership, honesty, sensuality, responsibility, confidence, wisdom and discipline. These are traits I look for. As are affection, compromise, and a modicum of compassion.

But when it comes down to it, how many of those things mean anything without sexual chemistry? And if you have the sexual chemistry, is it enough to replace any of those items missing from the list?

The answer to both questions, for me, is not really, not so much, no.

I’m not sure if that’s fortunate or unfortunate.

It places a relatively high value on sex, something that we’re taught from an early age is only a small part of a good relationship.

But is it small? I mean, really? You can admire, respect and care about someone til the cows come home, but is that enough to form and keep a bond with them if there is absolutely no physical chemistry?

On the other hand, it can go opposite. You can have a huge amount of chemistry with someone and know logically in your head that they are not right for you. Are you going to fight that? Or are you going to ignore the logic and let the rest roll on it’s own?

Even if you want to – you simply can’t.

I can hearken back to all of my relationships and see that one side or the other of that equation was perfectly filled in, while the other side looked more like an advanced calculus problem. While I love calc, it’s not really appropriate for long-term relationship logic, is it?

Maybe that’s why I’ve called it ‘settling’ and why I’ve decided it’s not going to work for me anymore.

I try to always approach things with a mixture of logic and heart. Sometimes I am better at that than others and sometimes one side wins out clearly while the other is completely ignored. I know that I over think things and I’m trying to let a bit of that go, but for some things, it has to stay.

That’s *why I question. That’s *why I prefer to discuss things rather than leave them to sit unattended in a crowded airport (sorry, I flew today) and stare aimlessly. I want to *know.

I don’t think that’s a bad thing, either.