Do. Are.

I won't take credit for this phrase, but I will repeat it often and loudly:

BDSM is what we do. D/s is who we are.

I spent a lot of my busy-time this weekend thinking about that.

Fact is, there are an awful lot of dominant/submissive relationships in this country populated by people who've never heard of BDSM, never touched a whip, never owned a stitch of leather clothing. Are they all healthy relationships? No. But neither are all BDSM relationships healthy. (As always, I'm well aware of the thick, dark line that separates consent and abuse)

If I never had a flogger swung at me again for the rest of my days, I'd be fine.
If I never got hogtied again, I'm sure I'd survive.
If I never went to a munch/play party/rally/weekend function again, I'm sure I'd live.

As a matter of fact.... I've survived more than three years that way so far. It's actually almost a full circle thing for me. Because as far as what I want right now, this is pretty much where I started out 14 years ago. The difference is that I'm not running away from those things like I did in the beginning -- but having experienced them all, I can say honestly that I can live without them, if it never comes to pass for me again. That pretty much includes all of the 'what we do' stuff.


That’s not to say that I wouldn’t invite or encourage or enjoy them. Just that I can live without them.

I realize that at this point in my life, what I should be looking at is what I can’t live without. And I’m doing some of that, too. But this comes along for the ride.

I don’t need the trappings. I don’t need the expensive toys (though I have a bag full of them), I don’t need the leather clothes (got some of those, too) or the weekends surrounded by other kinky people (though they can be fun).

What I need is someone who understands how to dominate – me.

And when I figure out what that means… I’ll be ahead of the game /wink