A bit of reality.

For as long as I can remember, everything that went wrong in my life, I could somehow blame on my weight. I didn't get a job or promotion I wanted, a guy I wanted, I didn't get to do things I wanted --- always because I was overweight.

In the last two years, I've slowly been losing that excuse. And this morning, when I put on a new shirt I got last week, and looked in the mirror - and looked almost *gasp* normal -- I realized that excuse was pretty much gone for good.

I've spent the morning contemplating that. I had wondered why lately I've been a bit touchy about some things, and perhaps this is the reason. I seem to be taking things far more personally lately than I used to. Sometimes the slightest slight (ya, okay, not my greatest turn-of-phrase, sorry) leaves me feeling a bit vulnerable and anxious lately.

I'm not crazy about feeling that way. At a time when I should be feeling *better*, I actually seem to be sometimes (only sometimes) making myself feel worse.

It's not every slight, every bit of rudeness, every missed opportunity. But when it does hit, it hits harder than it should.

I spent so many years with such a thick inner-coating that I never had to toughen up and get a thicker skin. I guess I'm going to have to do that now.

And that's not a bad thing. The fact that after a couple of weeks of feeling this way, I've acknowledged and recognized it for what it is is a good thing. I just need to learn what to do with it :p These bits of realization are good; it's just solving the puzzles that illuminate them that seems hard.

But I'm always up for a challenge :)