It's there or it ain't.

I either feel it, or I don't.

In my 14 years experiencing and experimenting with BDSM, I don't think there's ever been an occasion where it took time for me to feel at least a little submissive to someone. Typically I know right off whether that's going to happen for me with a man or not.

I can't tell you what sets my brain that direction. And I can't tell you what qualities will unilaterally make it so. It's just an instinct; a gut feeling that starts in my throat and ends up somewhere past my knees. It may start off as less than it ends up, but there is always a twitch of it in the beginning - or there never is.

I've felt nothing for some respected (and well-liked by me) dominants. And then again I've felt utterly and wholly submissive to some vanilla men who didn't know a thing (or at least not much) about BDSM. I've met some dominants that I felt more topp-y toward than submissive.

It's all relative. It's all about what I *feel*, rather than what I hear or see.

I think this is part of the problem that new submissives face when they start meeting people in the 'community'. Dom A. has a great reputation, is attractive and friendly - and they automatically feel as if they *should feel submissive to him, so they 'do', when they really don't.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not having that dominant/submissive chemistry with someone. I don't care if he's the most experienced dominant on the planet, if you don't feel it - you just don't feel it. Maybe the guy standing next to him, his mostly-vanilla best friend, is more your style and you instantly feel submissive to *him. That's perfectly okay. As a matter of fact, if you can admit to it - to yourself especially - you're already one step ahead of some people.