Boyfriend, Dominant, Independence.....

No, I haven't been writing much lately. Chalk it up to summer-time, being busy, working too hard and trying to sort through some newer feelings/emotions/situations that have come into my life in the last several weeks.

A few days ago, I asked a question of a new friend of mine. The question was, what he felt was the difference between a girlfriend and a submissive.

It's only fair that I answer the converse of that, right? So I figured I'd do that here.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a dominant?

I could just say 'depends on the man' and be done with it, but y'all know me better than that. /wink

I've had two major dominant/submissive relationships in my life. Both of these were (eventually) living together or married type relationships. Partnerships. Full-blown "in love" kinda things. In those cases, there were very defined lines between the girlfriend and the submissive, the dominant and the boyfriend. In one, I married someone in the military which makes those lines very fat and thick and well drawn. In the other, we lived with his two oldest daughters, which again drew those lines thickly. When there was a threat of one getting crossed (and they did occasionally), it took a great deal of smoothing to make sure that the girls were not uncomfortable with the relationship that we had. (One was, one wasn't).

But now, I sit here at 42 years old. Almost divorced. Independent, enjoying my life for the most part, feeling a sense of self that I've never really had before the last few years. And I wonder idly if the rules for that have changed for me.

I'm guessing they have.

There are a lot of things in my life I'm not willing to give up for the sake of a d/s relationship. At least not right now or anytime soon. My writing schedule (such as it is. I do intend to make a schedule and stick to it soon...hopefully....), my gaming, my family-time, my trips to the east coast to visit friends in Philly and other places. I'm enjoying all of these things right now. The idea of having to put them aside for the sake of having a dominant doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

And I guess where I see the line between boyfriend and dominant is right there. A full-time dominant would have a 'right' to bend my schedule and time. A boyfriend wouldn't. An occasional request would be fine for me. But having to alter my entire schedule for someone else? I just can't see being comfortable with that. 10 years ago, sure. Now? No. Of course, at some point I may be willing to have them bent, but I fought hard for my independence. I'm not ready to let it go just yet.

Or maybe I'm just not ready for 'serious'. And I'm all right with that, too.

I had to stop and think about the last 'boyfriend' I had where there was no element of d/s in the relationship. I guess my first husband would be the last. I remember that the sex sucked *chuckle* but I was fine with the independence of the relationship.

Gawd, is it possible?
Am I a *gasp* bedroom submissive? *snicker*
Maybe.

I've said many times that d/s is all wrapped up in sex for me. Maybe that just goes a little deeper than I thought. At least right now.

Ask me again in six months, I'll probably have a new answer /wink