Healthy

So, what makes a healthy sexual relationship?

Are you wondering where that came from? Me, too. It just kinda popped into my head today while I was cussing out downed DSL connections and having to re-do an hours worth of work. It popped back into my head tonight while I was straightening my hair(which I finally got exactly the way I wanted it with the new cut so it’s a banner evening here). So I figure it’s worth exploring a little.

Out of the several relationships I have had over the years, I’d have to say that very few of them were actually healthy sexual relationships. At one time, I was overly co-dependent and slightly passive-aggressive, and my sexual relationships were steeped in that. I didn’t ask for things I wanted, I gave what my partner wanted, and then felt resentful that I wasn’t getting what I needed. Well, duh.

I can say “well, duh” now because I know better. But then, I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing: taking care of my partner, and leaving my own needs for last.

Yea, that’s not very healthy.

A healthy sexual relationship is much like I described when I wrote about casual relationships: It’s a relationship in which both people get everything they need and a large part of what they want. Both people feel energized by their time together, rather than drained by it. Both people are honest about their feelings and feel free to share their personal fantasies and desires. Both people are sexually satisfied and look forward to being together in that way. You’re both comfortable enough to be open about almost everything you’ve ever conceived sexually and you’re both accepting of each other’s conceptions, whether you’re interested in carrying them out or not. Typically, that’s all many people are looking for; the acceptance of what they fantasize about. Carrying it out is gravy over the person you’re fucking listening and being receptive to what you have to say.

If both people are at least relatively emotionally healthy on their own, and if they share similar moral values, there’s no reason that their sexual relationship won’t be healthy, too. But that’s not really a guarantee. The smallest thing can cause one person’s emotional health from one direction to the other. In a matter of minutes. Usually it will swing back the other way, but not always. Everyone has triggers. But hopefully if you’ve gotten to know someone before sleeping with them, you’ll learn to avoid the big ones.

A healthy sexual relationship can do more than fulfill fantasies. It can help you sleep better. Lose weight. Open your mind. Learn to be more open and less shy.

But it’s not a cure-all for what ails ya. Make no mistake about that. You need to be able to give as well as you get. One-sided relationships are not healthy relationships. Additionally, any relationship that damages other parts of your life is not healthy, either.

I guess the bottom line is this: If both parties in the relationship feel good about it, and it’s not ruining anything else in your life, chances are it’s healthy. And a healthy sex life is a beautiful thing.

Now all I gotta do is get serious about finding one *grin