Ain't No Miracles Here baby

For anyone out there who thinks the way I used to --- that if you could just change that one part of your life that you thought was holding you back from being completely happy, your life would be perfect --- please don’t. It’s not true.

For all of my adult life, I told myself that if I could just lose enough weight to be a normal size, that the other parts of my life would magically fall into place.

Guess what? Not so much.

I’ve been under ‘normal’ size now for over a year (Normal size is considered to be a size 12/14) and my life is far from perfect. I do have much more self-confidence. I am healthier. And I do look 200% better. I do have a good job that I like. I am saving money and paying off debt. I am living in a huge duplex that I really do like.

But not everything fell into place the way I expected it to. I mean, how could it? But the fact is, when you are mired down in shit, and so dis-satisfied with your life that you focus so intently on one thing that you just know is going to fix everything, it definitely keeps you motivated and going, which is good. But at the end of it all – when you have attained your goal, it’s a pretty big let down.

I’m not complaining. I am very happy with everything that I’ve accomplished and I am not ungrateful for my health, both physical and emotional. But contrary to what I ‘believed’ would happen, my life has not magically transformed into what I always wanted. The last couple weeks have really driven that home for me.

I’d rather be buried in reality than living in a fantasy world, and that’s where I am. This is my reality.

There may be that one big thing that you know you have to change. But don’t believe for a minute that that one thing is going to totally reconstruct your life. It won’t.

But if you’re very lucky, changing that one thing will give you the courage to keep going, and keep changing, until your life is closer to what you want it to be. That’s where I am right now. I’m trying to decide what’s next.