The Other Fine Line

The other little lesson I learned this week is that while there have been times in my life when my self-esteem was shit, I still had an ego.

It took me nearly a week to define why I was so full of angst about something that happened in my life, but as it turns out, my well-protected ego took a little bit of a smashing and having rarely felt that before, I wasn't sure what to do to heal it.

I'm still not sure. It's still smarting a little.

To get your self-esteem bruised, it takes you believing that whatever has been said to you or done to you, you deserved. To get your ego bruised, you have to believe that what has been said to you or done to you, wronged you. The higher your self-esteem at the point of bruising, the more likely you are to take the bruise to your ego instead.

I don't know if any of that is making sense, but if not, welcome to my world for the last week.

The one saving grace of the whole thing is that - for once in my life - something happened and I didn't immediately say "It's because I'm fat.". Why? Cause I can't say that anymore. *grin* (There, I think I feel the ego healing up lol)

So between this line, and the casual/nonchalant line, I'm learning about what I can tolerate and what I can't tolerate in personal relationships. It's all good, in the long run, but in the short term, even *I* get tired of thinking so much. Yes, you read that right. Little Miss Super-Analyze is tired of thinking so fucking much.