Casual vs Nonchalant

In the last week, I've found a couple of fine lines in my life.

The one between 'casual' and 'nonchalant'.

Casual is technically defined as "without definite or serious intention". Nonchalant on the other hand is defined as "coolly unconcerned, indifferent, or unexcited". Similar, but with a distinct difference in intent. Remember the old cartoons about casual Friday getting to be too casual? Think that, only moreso. Big difference between nice jeans and a sweater -- and a pair of pajama pants, flip flops and a ratty tshirt you'd be ashamed to wear to the gym. Finding this line this week made me feel more like the ratty tshirt than the nice jeans and I didn't much care for that feeling.

You can be without serious intention but still not be indifferent. One of my favorite quotes is "Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is."

Indifference pisses me off. I've spent most of my life being rabidly passionate about a lot of things. Sex, love, family, friends, books, music. I find it very difficult to middle of the road on almost anything. I'm not entirely sure that's a healthy way to live, but it's the way I live. Not how I choose to live - just how I am.

I put a lot of energy into almost everything I do. When I gain an interest in something new, I read until my eyes hurt and then I practice, play, create. When I make a new friend, I spend the time to get to know them - what they like, what they don't like, and I find things we have in common so that we can create a bond.

I know that most people aren't like me in that, and I accept that for the most part -- I can accept lower levels of energy and less enthusiasm.

But I have a very difficult time accepting indifference.