No Stifling Allowed

While I happen to be a big fan of sex in mostly all of it’s forms and I love to talk about it, dream about it, write about it and do it, it’s still a very personal thing to me. I think that because of my weight for most of my life, I either went one of two ways – casual, mostly anonymous sex, or sex in a serious relationship. In other words, it’s either someone I barely knew, or someone I was close to.

I'm not a big fan of anonymous sex anymore. In addition to the fact that it's now lethal, it just never leaves me with a very good feeling. For me, sex doesn't need to be with someone I love, but it certainly needs to be with someone I *like*. It's not for any moral reason, it's just because that for me to cut loose sexually, I need to have a little trust and faith in the person I'm cutting loose with.

The whole idea of having sex where I can't cut loose - where I feel like I have to hold back - is repugnant to me. It's pointless. I'm not going to get from it what I want to get from it, and as with indifference, pointless aggravates me. Cutting loose - being able to writhe and moan and whimper and beg - these are things that make sex work for me. Even occasionally not being able to do those things; to have the ability removed by place or time - adds to it. But removing them from the activity because I don't feel comfortable enough with the person I'm with is not something I enjoy feeling.

I dislike being stifled, be that sexually or otherwise. And putting myself into a position where that's the only possible outcome is not conducive to me getting back into my creative cycle.