Better living through Expression

I realize I've posted a lot in the last week, especially considering that I haven't been writing at all for quite awhile. There's a reason for that. I'm just not sure what it is.

But I feel better when I'm writing. Even if it's about inane things like what I wore to the wedding and how little things affect me. I have a whole list of sexual topics to get back to (in case you're waiting for that :p) but getting back into the habit of writing itself takes a little time, and I'm working on that now.

I forget, when I'm mired down in a myriad of bullshit how much better I feel when I'm actually putting words to ...err...screen I guess. There are any number of things that keep me from doing that, but the baseline of it is -- I keep myself from doing it.

I have a piece of fiction (of the xrated variety) still in my head from a dream I had last week, and I hope to get around to that this week, too. If I can set my personal struggles aside long enough to open up my mind. That's typically where my writing stops; when I just don't have the mental and emotional energy to address is.

Fact is, as I've said before, my writing is very personal to me. Sharing things here is something I did not choose to do lightly. Publishing numerous stories, articles, and even my book of poetry was a pretty big leap of faith for me. As Anna Nallick says, in 2 AM
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

I can remember in times past, writing numerous stories for dominants I was involved in, and after the first two or three, the enthusiasm they showed (especially C in this case) dried up, and half the time, they didn't even acknowledge having read them. I found a way around that eventually, and many of those stories went on to be published in Prometheus and other magazines like that. They found an appreciative audience.

But because my words are so personal to me, having them go unacknowledged by someone they were written particularly for, was something I took personally. And while I try not to do that anymore, I do still occasionally run into it.

Then again, I've learned how to not take a lot of things personally. There is even a little post-it index card hanging on my desk at home that says "It has nothing to do with me." I needed it for awhile. I rarely have to look at it anymore.

Regardless, what I share here is different. And if you've ever been curious about why I don't post stories here in their entirety, that's a big part of the reason (the rest of it being that as with most writers on the internet, I have been ripped off before, and I'm not leaving myself open to having it happen again.).