Ego and Sexuality

Writing about ego, and then writing about sex brings up an interesting topic.

Let's be honest. There are people in this world whose whole identities are wrapped around their sexuality - how they look, how they fuck, and how they look while fucking. Narcissism at it's finest? Or just a lack of self-esteem in other areas of their lives?

And there are other people who simply don't get laid because they think they're bad at it. They'd rather jack off in the privacy of their own bathrooms than risk being laughed at - or pitied - in someone else's bedroom.

People exist that feel that their sexual prowess is their only redeeming quality. Oh - they'd never say that, of course. But you can see it in them if you look closely enough (and you know that I do).

I can't remember a time in my life that I've thought of myself as a lousy lay. Even when I was very heavy, my sexuality tended to supersede any insecurity I felt about being naked with someone, and I tended to enjoy sex completely. (which undoubtedly goes back to the whole "sex is better when I like someone and feel comfortable with them" thing). I may have not been as open as I am now, and I might have had a few more insecurities, but I think I always had a healthy sexual self-esteem.

What a shame I didn't have it out of the sack , too. Better late than never, I suppose *wink*

I think that our sexual-self-esteem has a lot more to do with how we feel about ourselves overall than people believe. You can be an insecure, beautiful woman or a butt-ugly, confident man - why? Because contrary to what the makeup and fashion industries would tell you in this country -- there's more to it than looking good. There's also believing that you *are* good. And part of that *good* is believing that you can entice a member of the opposite (or same!) sex into the sack.

Confidence in yourself can make up the miles between beautiful and butt-ugly. It can also take you quite the opposite way if you don't believe in yourself.

Having said that, one of the biggest 'ick' factors I have ever encountered in bed with someone is arrogance. The line (ooo another line yikes) between healthy self-confidence and arrogance is not all that thick. You can go from "This is fun, we are great together" to "You should be cumming every 20 seconds because seriously, I am just that good. Why aren't you more flattered that I'm fucking you?" in less time than it takes to slip a condom on. Luckily, I haven't encountered much of that.

Why?

Because I'm goddamn picky, that's why :)