Be careful how you define yourself......

I think one of the things about the bdsm lifestyle that bothers me the most is that people take their definitions of words like “dominant” and “submissive” to the extreme.

For instance, I witnessed a discussion recently in which someone stated that they felt that making any request to a dominant, as a submissive, was “topping from the bottom” and that they felt like they were telling the dominant what to do.

What?

Wait. So, if I’m a submissive, I don’t get to offer any suggestions or ask to try anything new?

Who the fuck made up that rule and where do I go to get that over-turned?

Talk about taking themselves too seriously…

Listen, I don’t know about other submissives, but my mind goes a mile a minute sometimes. I read a LOT, and talk to a lot of people and read a fair amount of erotica. Am I supposed to *not share anything I’ve read about with a dominant-type person simply because it’d feel to me (or them) that I was telling them what to do?

There is *no relationship in this world that cannot benefit from a bit of give and take from both sides. And frankly, I would be a poor match for someone who didn’t want my input in the sexual – or any other – part of our relationship. That does not mean that as a submissive that if I make a request or suggestion I expect to have it acted out RIGHT NOW – or even ever. But having the ability to say it – share it – ask for it – these things are pretty much necessary for me. I don’t speak for all submissives of course, but I would hope that anyone in an adult relationship would not gag themselves (err…wait) from suggesting something that seriously pushed their buttons.

Call me crazy, but defining yourself too strictly by what you think your kink terms mean can be hazardous to not only your relationship, but your sex life, too /wink.