Get Real

I'll admit it.

If I'm watching reality TV on Bravo, I might be watching one of the Real Housewives franchises.  I don't care for the New Jersey one, and the Atlanta one is just okay.  New York is probably #2, but I enjoy the Orange County one.

Last night, bored and unable to string more than 2 sentences together to write, I flipped over to Bravo and watched a couple of episodes from last seasons' Orange County girls.

Of the girls on there, I think I like Jeana the best.  She's outspoken and smart and strong.


She's also getting divorced from someone who didn't appreciate her at all.  She's got spunk. I like her.

She says last night, as she's out on her first date since the separation, that in her next relationship, she wants to be cherished.  I didn't think much of it at the time, and I've seen the episode before, but as I was laying in bed last night, trying to go to sleep, it came back to me, and I understood exactly what she meant.

When you spend a long time in a series of relationships where you didn't feel like you were getting 100% of the other person's  love/attention/respect, you can almost begin to believe that that's how relationships are supposed to be.  Maybe you feel like you get what you deserve, so you start to think that every relationship you have is destined to be this way, and that it's your fate --- it's how it's supposed to be for you.

What a load of horseshit.

For me, it's not just love type relationships that have been that way.  Not every friendship I have had has been out of balance (I have some wonderful friends) , but I can point to several that were.   And like my love relationships, I almost begin to expect it, and when I feel it starting to tilt, I start protecting myself.  But somehow, I don't stop giving my best until I hit bottom.

Because I'm at a place where I'm starting to move forward, I have to really look at that.

And Jeana has it right.

I want to be cherished, too.  In all of my relationships.  I deserve that. Everyone deserves that.