What's Important

So, it's been a couple of enlightening weeks for me. I'm taking care of myself again, and still trying to figure out why I quit doing that. So while I haven't quite figured that part out yet, I have been thinking about other things.

I'm trying to decide why I quit 'looking' at the personal sites again. And on the surface, its because I am right now focused on ME. This is time for ME to get my shit together - not only with my health and such but also other parts too - like my finances and my writing and my home.

But maybe it's a little more than that.

I had a thought the other day, while I was sitting in my car on my lunch hour, that there are a lot of things that are important in deciding if you're going to have a relationship with someone, and everyone's lists are different. For me, sexual compatibility is pretty high on my list. I'm much less concerned with how much money someone has or what kind of car they drive. There are women who consider those things first, and figure that they'll deal with the sexual aspect when it comes up but I am not one of those girls.

My friend, RD, said to me last week that I really needed to have a natural dominant in a relationship. I understand why he says that, but I'm not 100% convinced that it's true anymore. I know that I searched for one for many years (and never really found one) but there are other things that are more important to me at this particular point in my life. That can change. It has changed, over the years. But right now, I'm of a mind that's it's on the list, but not at the top. After having relationships with a couple of men that my sexual drive didn't really match up with all that much, especially my marriage, I know that the next one really needs to click on that level with me for me to want to put 100% of myself into it.

There are other important things, of course. A fellow geek would be great. Someone who reads fantasy, enjoys the same kind of movies and TV that I do... these things are also important. But if there is no sexual compatibility, the rest of it is only superficial and it just will not work out.

So maybe I'm still sifting through all of that, and that's why I've ignored the personals emails.

But maybe it's because I'm just totally focused 100% on myself right now, too. It's my time to do that.

But it's also time to get off my ass and write, so be that a short story, working on a novel, or writing here - that's my intent for the 3 day weekend.

3 day weekend! YAY!