Role-Play
or, how it’s nice to be someone else for awhile


I love my life. I have a great husband, a (mostly) wonderful family, and terrific friends. I’m in relatively good health and sound of mind (mwahaha). I don’t need for anything materially, and there’s rarely something I want that I can’t find a way to get (again, materially).

But sometimes, it’s nice to have a change.

For that reason, role-playing really appeals to me. Now, BDSM people did not invent role-play. People have been doing role-play as long as they’ve been having sex. Husband to wife: “Put on that low cut dress, and sit in the bar. I’ll come in and pick you up like we’re strangers.” Wife to husband: “Just once, for me. Wear the towel and pretend to be Tarzan, please?”

However, BDSM people (I’m using a generic, generalized form here just because it’s simpler. You can feel free to substitute “some BDSM people” or “some freaks of nature” or whatever.) do put role-play to good use, for a number of reasons. (I’m going to list the ones that I know. But you knew that, didn’t you?)

1. Role-play makes some forms of play easier for one or both parties: i.e., the naughty school girl and the rigid professor, if the dominant feels a need to ‘punish’ the submissive.
2. Role-play allows some people to escape their responsibilities as an adult for a period of time i.e., age-play.
3. Role-play allows some people to be more/less aggressive: i.e., prisoner/interrogator or the “dark parking garage” scenario.
4. Role-play allows some people to be…well, not people: i.e., Pony or puppy play.
5. Role-play is a way for some people of suspending belief: i.e., the sex-god. The femme fatale, the hero, the French maid…etc.

(And I know there are more. Drop me a comment and tell me your reasons.)

All but number 4 appeal to me, at various times, for various reasons. (I want to address age-play, but that deserves its own post, so I’ll save that for later). I have no interest in pretending to be a dog or a pony. I’ve seen pony play, most notably at BR’98, and it was beautiful to watch, but I really don’t find it all that…titillating…for myself. I like the idea of “play” punishment in role-play. I like the idea of the whole “dark parking garage” thing (I’ve mentioned that before. Maybe it deserves its own post, too). I actually bought a french maid’s outfit this year and we…Uhhh…made use of it once before C. left. I like the idea of a lot of the things I listed above.

Two things, though: Time, and headspace. Without the time to, it’s too easy to have things go badly. And without the proper headspace (i.e., if we are stressed out, tired and generally cranky), well, there’s really no point in starting it, even if it is planned. Time and headspace are at a premium in this house. Which makes it difficult. Which makes it frustrating. Which makes me impatient.

Hm. Can I role-play a patient person?

I like the idea of giving up responsibility for awhile (age-play). I like the idea of fighting back (dark parking garage, prisoner/interrogator). I like the idea of being someone else for awhile (french maid). I like all these things because sometimes, I get tired of being the one who's always got everything done -- who always takes care of the minutiae, who always does as she's supposed to do.

I probably have higher expectations of myself than anyone has of me. Regardless, though, role-play allows me to step back from those expectations, and just "be in the moment" for awhile.

I like that.