Another Fantasy Explored
Oh Right. Hurt me Hurt me.

I’ve wanted to write something for the last couple days. For some reason, I’ve been having trouble getting coherent thoughts on paper. I’m trying again, but if it turns out badly, blame my writer’s block *g*.

I’m not sure what to call this fantasy. There are several names for it – play rape, mock rape, etc. None of those really *fit* for me. Let’s, for the sake of argument, call it a force fantasies.

C and I have actually talked about this one. I’ve talked to other people who’ve done this or have done the research into it. I came away with some conclusions, which are, of course, my opinion, and not meant to be stated as fact:

For the person being “raped”, this has several possible motivations.

Firstly (and most prevalently from my research), the “victim” has no control over what’s happening. They are “forced” to have depraved, somewhat violent sex against their will. There’s no need to feel any guilt about it, because they have “no control” over the situation.

Secondly, and possibly more importantly, the person being “raped” is encouraged to like it by the “rapist” – is possibly “forced” to have an orgasm, etc.

I’ve read of some people using it to “take back control” over a real rape in their past.

Thirdly, there’s the idea that the “rapist” wants the person being “raped” so badly that they don’t “care” if the passive person wants it or not. It’s the idea that they are *so* desirable, the “rapist” has no control over their actions. The desire for this passive person over-rules everything from common sense to concern for the law or the passive person.

And then there’s my reason (some of the above which also apply to me, but not the guilt one. I have no guilt about sex.). Violent sex – rough sex(see note 1), if you will – turns me on. I want to fight back. I want to kick and hit and bite and “fight off” my attacker. Or, at least, try to. There’s aerobic sex – which is my own little catch phrase for people who do amazingly energetic and acrobatic things during sex – which releases a lot of pent up energy--- and then, there’s violent sex. They’re both burning off energy, but in completely ways. In violent sex, you’re releasing pent up aggression, anger, fear and stress. Being allowed to fight back – something that I’m not allowed to do during regular SM activities (well, ‘not allowed’ is the right way to phrase that – let’s just say it feels wrong) This reason, I’ve read and know to be true – fits both people (or, all people) in the scenario most times. The “rapist” also has this energy to burn off, and is allowed to do it in a safe environment. With proper preparation, including loads of prior communication, this “space” offers the perfect opportunity to burn off that stress in a way that allows both people to get what they need.

Now then. Switching sides for the time being – what’s in it for the “rapist”, besides what I said in the last paragraph?

Complete control, for one thing. Sex – the way the “rapist” wants it, not the way the romance books and society tells you that you “should” be having it. The satisfaction – in some cases (not all) – of *making* someone like it, whether they want to or not.

I’m sure there are others – for both sides – if you like, email me and share your thoughts with me on this subject, because frankly, it fascinates the hell out of me.

Back to me. As I said, C and I have discussed this. Not nearly as much as I’d have liked, but for some reason, every time it comes up – something more important arises that needs our attention.

One of the hang-ups, in our discussions, has been what to do if something *really* goes wrong. I don’t have a safeword. And frankly, if the scene goes the way it’s supposed to, I’m going to be beyond using a safeword by the time I need one. How the hell am I supposed to remember some dumb-ass word like “purple” with all that other stuff floating in my head? Never happen. And I can’t just say “stop” or “no”, because chances are, I’m going to be saying those anyway, and I won’t mean them – that’s part of the whole thing. Most times, C is immediately able to tell when I’m seriously in trouble – where other people would use a safeword – and knows how to react. But during something with all this intensity, neither of us is sure that that would happen. It’s a concern for C (actually, much more for him than for me), and one of the reasons we’ve not tried this. I guess the bottom line is – how can you completely let go to enjoy the fantasy if you have to be looking out for triggers and trip-ups with the other person?

Another hang-up is time. You all know that spiel already.

And yet another is what I call the “element of surprise”. The hows, whys, and wherefores of the whole thing. If it’s too rehearsed, chances are neither of us will be able to get into the headspace necessary for it. If he does it without any kind of warning, chances are he’ll plan it – and find that when he tries to do it, something intercedes.

I think he also worries that if we talk about it too much, it won’t live up to its expectations when we try it. Or, that if we talk about it too much, we’ll never be able to find that “element of surprise”. (I’m guessing here, because he’s never said, but after he reads this, I’m sure I’ll have the real answer. If I’m wrong, maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll add it to ‘the list’…hahaha)

The noise level is also an issue. We’ve talked about hotels; we’ve talked about our apartment. Neither of these, we don’t think, will work – because of the noise level.

I was disappointed when I went looking for websites about this. There really don’t seem to be much out there, but here are a few that I did find:

From Gloria Brame’s Site
Force Fantasies Website

There were a few others that offered crappy information, which I’ve excluded – but the Forced Fantasies website has an extensive list of links.

I wish there was more. I’m always looking for new insights into why I feel the way I do – want what I want – and so on. Evidently, this subject is so damn taboo that few people will even touch it. I may have to do something about that. Soon.


(Note 1): I’ll admit it. I like rough sex. I like to be bitten, slapped, and held down. I like to be taken . Not every time, of course (I’d be a mass of bruises…wait…is that a bad thing? lol), but often. I was asked recently *why* I like this. I don’t have an answer for that. But I’ll address it again, later.