.Back to the Good Stuff


What is it about bondage that people like so much? I mean, you have the canned answers - "In bondage, I feel free" yadda yadda yadda. And to a certain extent, that's true. I've felt that before myself. But I think for some people, it goes much deeper. It does for me. And in thinking about it, I came up with several possible reasons. Not all of them fit me, but they may fit someone else.

== Bondage is attention. When someone has you tied up - or while they're tying you up - you are the center of their attention. For some folks' who feel they fade into the background of their lives, or play second, third or fourth fiddle many times, this is a possible motivator. It has been, in the past, for me.

== Bondage is desire. If someone is tying you up to keep you immobile so they can mess with you - physically or mentally - it's very easy to slip into the notion that they're doing it because they MUST have you, and cannot possibly take a chance of you escaping before they've had their way with you. I can admit to having felt this way at least once.

== Bondage is an escape from responsibility. In most relationships, the person being bound trust the person doing the binding enough to know if they really "needed" to get out, they'd just have to tell the binder (or use a safeword - don't get me started on THAT), and they'd be free. But inside their head, they can use the experience as "not having any choice in the matter". This person - the binder - the dominant - the top - has all of the control, and the bindee - the submissive - the bottom - is forced to 'endure' things and 'enjoy' things they might not be able to in any other way. "well, he's going to fuck me in the ass, and I can't do anything about it, so even if I enjoy it, it doesn't make me sick and twisted because I have no control over it."

And I'm sure there are others I haven't thought of - yet.

I can put myself in each of those items, and know I've felt that, at least at some point. They're most likely not all true for everyone all the time, but if you try, you can probably find bits and pieces of those feelings in your own bondage experiences