Conflictions
(so I made up a word. big deal)


I find myself, as I get older, wanting to try more and more things. I also find myself, as I get older, not having time to do the things I enjoy, let alone new things. (I'm talking about ds/sm here).

I read a lot. Always have. I read online, I read magazines, I read books. I'm constantly finding new things in the world to enjoy. And getting ideas about experiences I might like to try. Once. To see if they're as good as I've decided 'in my head' that they are.

Thus, the phrase "I want to try...." is born.

In my world, as it is, there isn't much time for "I want to try...". Even if C were home now, he'd be working long hours and coming home exhausted. There isn't much energy for trying new things. Hell, most days, we're lucky if we get to bang out some "tried and true" things.

This is frustrating for me, and I'm trying very hard to learn a new kind of patience to handle it.

I'm going to start a list of this "I want to try..." 's. And after C. gets home, I'll give him the list, and try to find a way to explain that while I'm not trying to overwhelm him, I'm being as honest as I can with him about what's inside me.

Most of these "I want to try...." 's will probably turn out to be one-shot deals. We'll try them. We'll either hate them, or be ambivalent to them, and they'll fall by the wayside. But there may be one or two that turn into "wants" or even "needs".

More on Wants vs. Needs later.