The Good, The Bad, The…Just plain weird
(With Isabel out of the way, the power back on, and my apartment back to semi-normal, I can zip through some of the things I was thinking about when the lights were out)
I have a nickname. Screamer (well, duh.). I added the “girl” myself a couple years ago, when I was trying to distance myself from…something.
C. gave me the nickname Screamer back in 1995. It means exactly what you think it means, someone who lets out a …loud noise during orgasm. There. Mystery solved.
I’ve had some other nicknames through the years. Peaches (high school). Princess (an ex). Kiki (another ex, and no, I don’t know where that came from). Kittie (ex-husband). All of these names meant something at some point in my life (even Kiki, and I don’t know what that meant). C. calls me “baby” most of the time. It’s not really a nickname, more a term of endearment. He also calls me “babycakes”.
There are other nicknames though, in the d/s sense. Some that I’ve had used for me, some that I’ve heard others use for their partners. Some of them disturb me; some of them flip some kind of switch in me. Sometimes, it’s a combination of both.
I wanted to explore these, and see what I come up with. Some of these aren’t really nicknames, I guess – they’re more along the lines of “baby” – terms of endearment.
I want to make it clear first that I’m not talking about using any of these words in anger, or in a derogatory sense. The exploration of the names/words below for me is in a d/s sense only.
Pet: Can be a nice change from baby. Has a little more d/s relevancy (not the right word, but I’m stuck for a word so it’ll do), I guess, and implies a more in charge-kinda relationship. I do hear non-d/s people use it, as an affectionate term, so I’m guessing as far as terms of endearment go, it’s pretty benign.
Slut: Okay, now we’re cookin’. I hear this one used a LOT in BDSM circles. This word bugged the hell out of me several years ago, until I finally had to “own” it for myself. C likes to use this word. And frankly, now, I like to *hear* this word. It’s difficult for me to say (as in, he wants me to repeat it back to him), but it’s pretty tingly on the ears in the right circumstances. I think this word – term of endearment – whatever – if popular with the BDSM crowd because it allows us to take ownership of our needs. I didn’t used to be very good at that, which is probably why the word bugged me so badly. I have a friend in the Bay Area who I refer to as a “cane slut”. There’s really no other word for her. She likes canes. She can’t get enough of the cane. She is – a cane *slut*.
Bitch: I own my inner bitch. She’s expensive, but she’s worth it.
And frankly, that’s why we do this, isn’t it?
Whore: This is a word C has never used with me. M did, once, I think. It’s a word I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking on – I use it when I’m writing, etc. It’s not one I’m opposed to. It doesn’t any deep-seated hatred in me, because its dictionary meaning (a person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain) doesn’t have anything to do with me. When I use it in my writing, it’s hot. And I think it would be equally hot if C used it occasionally with me, but I don’t think he’s too crazy about it, for some reason. In a d/s sense, in my warped little universe, would be someone who says “I’d give any for X” (Where X is a beating, a good sound fucking, etc) and means it. For instance, saying “I’d beg like a dog for your cock” could be considered whorish and submissive. I think there is a difference between “whore” and “slut”, though – and using my above example sentence, the difference would be that a slut wouldn’t beg. She’d just go find it somewhere else *snicker*.
There’s one left on my list. And it’s a word that people have *very* strong reactions to. I know that when C and I were together in 1995, I could not SAY this word, and did not want to hear him say this word. Since then, the word has taken on a less hostile meaning for me (in other words, I got the fuck over it).
Cunt: People either love this word, or hate this word. There are two very distinct ways to use it – it’s either a body part, or a person. I’ve gotten used to hearing it – and saying it – when it’s used as a body part (although, saying it still isn’t as easy as saying – say – tomato – lol.) I did start using it to refer to a person (namely my sister) because it was the only word that fit at the time. Having it used to refer to me – I haven’t experienced. But to me, it brings to mind anger – like “bitch” above – and I can see that being *very* hot under the right circumstances.
What someone calls you is a personal decision. But if someone is calling you something that *hurts* you – or *isn’t* calling you something that makes you hot – it’s up to you to explain that to your partner. Find your hot buttons and use them wisely.
As I write this, I realize I have yet another topic to add to the list – anger in a scene. I’ll do that later. But there’s a difference – and if I didn’t make it clear, please allow me to do so – between playing “rough” in a scene (being “mean” or “angry”) and actually BEING angry or mean. The above examples are used in the “quotation mark” way, not the other. That’s a big distinction, and I hope I’ve made it clear. If not, send me an email and I’ll clear it up for you.
Regardless, words are important in relationships. Moreso in D/s? Probably not. But the words are different in D/s, and the way they’re used is different. Words that in a vanilla relationship might get a person slapped actually have quite the opposite effect in d/s.
Vive Le Difference!
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