What is it about me?

I'm always curious about what people find attractive or sexy about me. For a long time, I needed that affirmation from the men that I slept with to base my own self-esteem now. But now, it's because I like to know what I project well, and what I still need to work on.

The answers from those that I've asked are varied and interesting. My first husband said it was my walk, and the little dip above my upper lip. The second fell in love with my breasts, and he was definitely not alone. The man between those was attracted to my sexuality and openness, mostly because his ex wife was - in his words - a cold fish.

I haven't asked anyone recently. Maybe I should.

If I were to answer the question myself, I'd probably start with my eyes. Big, green, expressive. I smile with my eyes, I talk with them, laugh with them. I have lips that Hollywood pays big bucks for. And my legs are 36 inches long. I have always, of course, used my breasts to their best advantage as well -- there was a time in my life where every piece of clothing I owned showed a certain level of cleavage.

I think that my open sexuality probably has a lot to do with it, too. My interest and openness to kink, without it being *everything* I am. (Yes, folks, even Jill likes a regular no tricks fuck once in awhile). These things are important to men who take their sex seriously, and they are important to me as well.

I do think that it's important for me to be able to name the things about myself that are sexy. 10 years ago, I'm pretty sure that it would have been a pretty short list, but now I have a lot more perspective, and while the weight loss has a lot to do with that, it's not the only thing. It's also the five years of not being in a serious relationship. I have been forced to base my self-image on ...well, myself. I am not depending on anyone else's perception of who I am or what I look like. It's all about me right now.

That time has not been easy. As a serial monogamist for the biggest part of my adult life, being a soloist for five years has been tough. But it's opened my eyes to a lot of things, and it's allowed me to see things for what they are. It has helped. And I am grateful for it.

Not so grateful that I want to go another five years though. :)