PS from last night

I went to bed thinking about that whole vulnerable thing. I actually read a bit before I shut the light off even though I went up late because I wanted to try and distract myself from all this heavy thinking.

Didn't help. Still went to sleep thinking about it.

It isn't that I don't *want to feel vulnerable to someone else. It's that I don't know if I *can.

This image is still very appealing to me. The desires that drive my libido are the same (well...they do change somewhat day to day...I am still a creative little bitch after all *grin) . But it's not the physical desire and ability that is at issue here -- it's my ability to let go emotionally. And I guess that if I'm not in a full blown relationship with someone, maybe the emotional isn't all that important.

I'm hoping that recognizing this disconnect between wanting to be open and being able to be open will bring about some change inside me.

And if it doesn't, maybe I just need to find one of those "natural dominants" that R keeps telling me about to spank me back into line ~