The Importance of Seduction

I've read a million times that all men are almost always trying to seduce any woman they find even a little bit attractive. I'm still not convinced that that's true, but maybe I'm just meeting the wrong kinds of men. Or I've just met a lot of men that aren't very clear about it. Either is possible.

Seduction is important. And I firmly believe that it's not just the man's job to do this. Even after you are in a relationship, continued effort put into this very significant activity. Sex inside a continuing relationship is expected and encouraged, but how you get there is more important than actually being there.

Everyone who reads here knows by now that I am a lingerie addict. Part of the appeal of sexy underthings and nightwear is that it puts everything up front and right on the table and in such a way that it's not blatant and cold. Coming to someone naked and saying "Fuck me" might be unexpected and fun sometimes, it's almost cliche and unemotional. There is something to be said for being that upfront sometimes, but it's uncreative and uninspired.

Anyone who knows me knows that a lot of creativity is encouraged and necessary to keep me flowing...so to speak...

A lot of my reading has also led me to believe that while men might have the desire to be seductive, they aren't given the tools in their upbringing. The "strong silent type" of yesteryear has become the "cold, unemotional" type of now. Roles have changed, too. 50 years ago, women did not do half the things in the world that they do now, and I think our forefathers rules and practices do not fit with the world of today. Don't ask your father how to seduce a woman. It's likely he does not know.

Even if you're seducing a "sure thing" (someone who has already agreed to sleep with you, or someone you are in a relationship with), that doesn't mean it's not important to put in some effort other than tossing your clothes off and jumping onboard. It doesn't have to be expensive or complicated or over the top. It just has to be something other than saying "Hey. Wanna fuck?" (there is a time and place for that, but it's not every time or every place).

Seduction starts long before bedtime. Seduction starts the moment you start thinking about having sex with someone. It's your attitude, your energy output and your follow-through that determine IF you'll be having sex and how good that sex will be.

My personal experience with being seduced is mixed. Neither of my husbands had a clue. With the first, it was just 'take your nightshirt off' and my second husband was of the "wanna fuck?" variety (well until he didn't anymore). I've had various relationships in between where it happened sometimes and those were, I can honestly say, the best sex that I had had at that point. I, on the other hand, did put the effort in (because I wanted to, needed to, and because it's who I am) from the very beginning. There were times that I hung back and waited to see if my partner would reciprocate and when they did, I made sure they were very clear on my appreciation for that reciprocation. (Yes, ladies, please do be appreciative and show it)

It takes two (or more!) people to have a relationship and if the energy doesn't flow in both directions, one person is going to be tired all the time.

Every man and woman is different. You can't read a textbook on seduction and expect to be 100% successful, because what works on one person may not work on the next. You can spot those people who *did* find a book on the subject and studied it like a textbook. They use the same one-liners, the same moves, on every person they are interested in, and just wait for it to work on someone. Trial and error is important.

Overall, I think if I were to write seduction rules, they would be very basic, such as ....
- be respectful of boundaries
- smile, laugh and have a good time
- if one move doesn't work, try another one -- until you've been told to knock it off.
- Respect the 'knock it off'.
- be true to who you are, and don't try something outside your comfort zone unless you're sure you can be okay with it.
- Men: Don't come on too strong at first.
- Women: Don't drop hints unless the man knows you very well and knows what they mean. Most men don't "get" hints. Don't expect it to work unless you've already taught him how to interpret your hints.

Beyond that, put your heart and soul into it. If you want to sleep with someone, and you think they might feel the same way, give it some of your best energy and see where it goes.

This is supposed to be fun, right? Make it fun.

And on the other side of that, if you feel as if you're being seduced by someone that you have no interest in, please be kind and honest with them. Don't let them waste their time. Treat them as if you would want to be treated if they were you.

Don't take sex for granted, ever. In a moment, your partner can be gone -- or become uninterested. Put the effort in, and chances are, you will be rewarded either with great sex, or some honesty that you needed to know.