To Tie, or Not to Tie

Someone said to me recently (not a direct quote, I didn't write it down and my mind may not have been completely on it at the time *grin*), in discussing bondage, that for me it probably wouldn't be necessary. (What, implying that I am a good girl and do as I'm told? Blasphemer!)

Necessary, no probably not. I have been posed, positioned, directed and placed several times throughout my d/s explorations. Sometimes it's easier than others, and resisting the "Fight or flight" impulse tends to take all of my focus, depending on what's going on. Then again, I'm a big fan of having something to focus on. But it does leave little room for anything else.

There's also the added bonus of having a bit more mental dominance than simply being cuffed up to sit/stand/lay where I have to. Somehow being 'told' to do something - sometimes - has a different effect than being 'made' to do something.

I dunno. I like both, for different reasons. It's easier for me to talk myself out of mental bondage than it is physical bondage. It's a conscious choice with mental. You either do it, or you don't. Because I have the insane desire to please (and not disappoint) most of the time, the choice isn't really a choice, but it is.

Then again, I really do like the feel of something around my wrists. Rope, leather, hand.... *smirk. But that removes the choice (ok, yes, there's always a choice but if I'm there willingly, I'm there willingly, right?) and it gives me something to fight physically against instead of mentally.

We're back to the challenge again then.

I was at the Power Exchange in San Francisco one night with a very good friend of mine (and one of my favorite tops). I had taken him to a ZZ Top/Lynard Skynard concert in Oakland earlier that evening (having bought the tickets to take M before M and I split up), and on the way from his house to the concert, we'd had a discussion about the difference between topping and dominating. (If I've related this story already, I apologize). When asked directly what the difference was, I thought for a moment, and then explained it as -- if you're topping me, and I tell you I hate riding crops, you wouldn't use one. If you're dominating me, and I tell you I hate riding crops, you'd use one if you felt like it, whether I liked them or not. (Yes, you see this coming don't you?). We get to PE, and we're playing, with me bent over some sawhorse thing, unbound. I heard it pop behind me, and knew what he had in his hand. Yes, a fucking riding crop. He laughed. I laughed. And then he told me to stay still and hit me with it.

And I did stay still. Partially because he'd told me to, but also partially because I wanted him to "get" the difference. He was playing with his dom side, and I was happy to participate. Submitting to someone who wasn't quite sure if he was "there" or not was fun, and I wanted him to get the full experience of it.

(To be fair to him, he didn't use it that long, but he definitely understood the difference. And I played with him, as a dominating top many time after this)

Physical bondage for many people is more about ornamentation and looks than actual "no moving". It can easily serve both purposes, but I know many submissives who just enjoy being tied up because of how it looks and the mindset attained while the actual rope bondage is being put in place. For others, physical restraint is about being able to fight it, without it being dangerous. And yet others use it to simply not be able to fight, period.

Sometimes, the simple act of snapping on a pair of police issue hand cuffs is enough. (C had two sets of these *grin*). I spent many evenings watching TV just with those cuffs in place and nothing more. It definitely lends itself to headspace (mmmmm...headspace) and if the dominant is turned on by the bondage (C was), it's all good.

On the other hand, bondage is too much like work for some dominants. I know it was for M. He liked the look, but it was too much work for him to really want to get into it. It was easier for him to just say "stay" and have me do it.

It's a whole rainbow of stuff to consider, isn't it? A big old red/white/black and blue rainbow of choices and fun to have.