"Screaming Inside"

I dug into my closest last week and pulled out a couple copies of my book to take with me "out of town" this weekend. One is going to a friend who's kinky. The other is going to a friend who's literary. We'll see where I get the best impressions *grin

I thumbed through one copy of it Saturday night and while it makes me incredibly proud to have put together such a thick volume of BDSM verse, it also makes me a little sad that the company that published it went out of business, and if I want it republished, I have to shop it around.

For anyone who doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about, the book information is here (Screaming Inside by Kanthra Adaire). Again, as the publisher is out of business, the only remaining unsold copies may well be in my closet. I'd love to get motivated enough to republish it. I'd also like to add a volume of short stories to it. I have more than enough that are still unpublished to fill a book or two.

It also makes me sad because most of those poems were written during a very different part of my life, and I remember each and every feeling that was in play when each of those prose were written. It's not that I don't think I could ever get that back. It's just that I'm somewhat jaded these days, and I trust much less than I ever have in my life. Coming out of the relationships I've come out of in the last 13~ years, I can't fault myself on the trust issues. But I don't have to like them much either.

I didn't read them all all the way through, just picked bits and pieces of them to read. Some of them are rough, some sweet, some dripping with the kind of sexuality you only get from really sensual sex-scenes *grin*. Some of them are twisted, some evil, some downright wicked. But they are all me.

Or were, when I wrote them.

And despite the feelings I may or may not have about trust and faith and hope -- they are *all still me, somewhere.

I got a copy out for myself and put it next to my bed. Perhaps reading through so many years of my life again will inspire me.

Or at least tone the screaming inside down to a whimper *smile