Challenge

I like a challenge.

Phsyical, mental, doesn't matter. I like to be pushed. I haven't always been that way. I'd say it's probably come about in the last ten years or so more than anything. And I think it comes from the fact that I haven't been.

My relationship with C was never really challenging. He expected very little, asked for next to nothing, and besides his Navy career being an emotional drain on both of us, there wasn't much of a challenge there. His interest in d/s waned so heavily by the time we actually got married that it wasn't even present for the last several years, beyond an occasional spanking (that I nearly always had to initiate). We'd occasionally talk about doing things, but when it came to actually doing them, there was always an excuse not to.

Anyway.

I'm not someone who flourishes in "easy land" when it comes to my sexuality. Lazy sex is fun sometimes, but it's not something I'd be satisified with long term. I want a challenge. I want to have to work for it. I want to struggle mentally or better yet physically. I want to do new things, try new things, experiment with old things with new twists. Not every time. But some of the time at least.

Maybe it goes back to being "taken". Re-reading what I've just written, I'm guessing that it does, to some extent at least. But it's more than that. It's the challenge; the ability to overcome, or to surrender to something I didn't know I wanted, or to let someone else *win for a change. To say - I do not always have to be right/come out on top/get my way.

That's not easy for me. C said many times in the course of 14 years "Say those three little words I want to hear" (which meant) "You were right." (and for some reason, I absolutely hated that with him, probably because he loved it so much). I've gotten better about that. I think as my security has grown from insecurity, my ability to admit failure, mistakes and defeat has risen proportionately. That's not to say that I give up without a fight though /smile

Or maybe it's because I don't struggle and challenge because I think I'm better. I struggle and challenge because it's fun to tease, torment, wrestle, and generally be a bit of a brat sometimes. And isn't that the biggest ingredient in a vivid and fulfilling sex life? Fun? If it ain't, it should be.

Yea, it's probably the fun /wink