I will Not Be Broken~

The ex called this morning from Florida - fleet week. It's actually amusing to me that he and I get along now as well as we do. He just called to say hi, and to let me know "around when" he'd be back in Virginia. I felt absolutely no animosity to him whatsoever.

I made reference a few times last week to some drama I'd been dealing with. This involved a man I'd met on EQ a couple years ago, and had been "married" to in game (we were partners, ran around together). There were some unresolved feelings with this guy, as when we first started hanging out, there was some thick sexual tension, but later on when that passed, we both seemed to be aggitated with each other all the time. So when it was finally over a couple weeks ago (and it did not end well; turns out he figured lying to me was easier for him), it set off a small trigger in my brain that said:

"You are finally - completely - free."

And free I am. Feel. I can breathe completely deeply now. I guess I hadn't realized what an albatross that whole thing had become for me. I'd say that the jackass did me a favor, but that'd be giving him credit for being a snake and I refuse to do that~

Anway.

With that load (of horseshit) lifted off me - a stable relationship with the soon to be exhusband - and a deep desire to get back to who it is I was - and still am - I find myself inexplicably drawn in to finding someone to be submissive to. (I also find myself flirting like a crazed woman, but that part is fun so :P).

As I was driving home the other night from work, a new Bonnie Raitt tune came on the radio. Now, I love Bonnie Raitt, always have (Margaritas with Fernando anyone?), but this song speaks to the very core of where my life is now. I will quote a bit of it here, before I get on with "the good stuff" today~

I Will Not Be Broken, Bonnie Raitt (partial lyrics)

I will not be...

Someone other than who I am
I will fight to make my stand
Cause what is livin' if I can't live free
What is freedom if I can't be me

Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But I know where I'm not going
I will not be broken
I will not be broken