How's Your Sexual Self-Esteem?

Having been overweight for the majority of my life (and getting less so every day!), I have to admit that in my earlier years, my sexual self-esteem was trash. I never asked for what I wanted before the age of 30. I never figured my desires were normal or even attainable, so I just laid back (so to speak) and let whoever I was with at the time drive the sexual steam engine.

The older (and healthier) I get, the less of that is left in me. As a matter of fact right now, I'd say it's down to less than 5% of who I am.

This does not mean I am an aggresive, demanding bitch in the sack *chuckle*, far from it - I am occasionally aggresive (lightly so), extremley verbal (and I like lovers who are as well - talk to me, make a little noise for gods sakes). It just means that I'm not gonna be willing to trash what I want and need for the sake of someone else, just so I can get laid.

I define sexual self-esteem as a) knowing what you want, b) being able to verbalize it, and c) actually verbalizing it.

The first one is easy. Whether we will admit it to ourselves or not most of the time, we all know what sets us off between the sheets (or over the kitchen table, or up against a wall or...or...). The ability to verbalize it, and the desire to do so, however, are not as easy for one person as they are for the next, especially in many women. We were not raised that way - even those of us who were born during the 60's and 70's during the hot sex revolution. I was raised Catholic (recovering now, 17 years), and from a very early age it was drilled into me that sex was bad, that women put up with it, that it was for making babies not pleasure.

Fuck that.

I want what I want. I'm not afraid to admit it to myself or anyone else. I like men that are verbal. I don't much care if you're just moaning, though I prefer to exchange dirty talk *grins*. Of course, the more dominant that is, the better for me. And I like it rough. Hard. Hurt me at the right time and I will be screaming your name right along with god's. Go ahead and torment me if you like - watch how my eyes glow when you do. Don't bother with oral on me unless you enjoy using it to torment me or you honestly enjoy it; I can live without it, and it's never a deal breaker either way with me. Cum on me, not in me if you enjoy the view. Masturbate for me, or make me do it for you. Grab my hair when you shove your cock in my mouth, isn't that what it's there for? Threaten me, growl, curse...whatever makes you feel good. Chances are, I'm going to share your get-off factor on it.

Think your sexual self-esteem is in the dirt? Want to make it better?

Get used to your own body. It's yours. No matter how you're shaped, you're built for pleasure as we all are. Find out through experimentation what gets you off the hardest. Look at dirty pictures. Watch porn. Talk to people. Read. Read. Read. Explore your own fantasies. Find someone to share them with. Masturbate. A lot. And when you find that point where you know what you want, and can put it into words, then do so. And your sexual self-esteem will go up double~, I promise.

I wrote yesterday about "dirty" things, but I never did finish that. (I know, I know, I promised but my boss didn't seem to think it was as important as getting some work done *grin*). My boss seems to be late this morning, so maybe I'll get back to it. But the paragraph above that describes what I like pretty much covers it *grin*.