Two Sides

So, there is the Jill you know here.

And that's most of me. The geek, the writer, the sex-ophile.

But most people who know me only know one and a half of those things.

I was lamenting that the other night when I realized that I can't post my blog updates on Facebook.

I have gaming friends who would be probably be shocked out of their skin to know that I published a book of erotic poetry. That I write about sex on a semi-regular basis. That I study sex. Hell, even that I have sex. These people know me as the good girl; the no-drama girl; the good friend. They know nothing of Kanthra Adaire or Screamer.

I've done that on purpose, really. For so long I was out and proud of my proclivities to everyone in my life except my family and the people I worked with. Everyone else I knew, knew that I wrote erotica and published it, that I was a submissive, that I was Screamer.

But now I tend to keep those two worlds separate, beyond a few people who I've been intimate with and a few more that I've shared my book with. To everyone else, I am just this normal, every day girl trying to get divorced so that I can move on with my life, meet a nice man, settle down.

I was trying to come up with some reasoning for that recently. Out of my gaming friends that are not acquainted with "the dark side" of Jill, I can only think of one or two who might be repelled by the thought that my mind is so often occupied by thoughts of fucking and other illicit activities. I can't imagine that I would lose a lot of friendships over it.

But I also don't necessarily think it's necessary for them to know. It's not me hiding it, exactly, but it's not me wanting to flaunt it, either. I guess it's like this: if one of them ran across this blog accidentally, I wouldn't be worried about them reading it, but I'm not going to exactly leave them a trail to it, either. It's not shame. No, I gave up being ashamed of my open views on sexuality a long time ago. Everyone has to have a hobby, right? *smirk

And everyone needs a dirty little secret. As long as it's not hurting anyone.

And I won't hurt you.
Much.

So I'll be yours if you'll be mine *grin