The Talking and the Fucking

In the flashback episode (you know almost every series has to have one of these. I think they are required by law or some shit.) in Californication, Hank (the lead) and his ex Karen and breaking up. She's telling him about some guy she's designing a house for, and she's said she's been talking to the guy. Hank asks if she's fucked him, and she says:

"You know me. The talking and the fucking go hand in hand."

I wrote that one down too.

It occurred to me awhile back that most of the men that have found their way into my bed since 1994 have done so via me having met them online in one way or another. BDSM Chat rooms, back on good ol' AOL 1.0, IRC Chat, Message boards, EverQuest... I can think of only one exception to this rule, and I knew him previous to the time I discovered personal computers at home.

The good thing here was that if you're meeting someone in a specific chat room -- or on a game -- you start out ahead of the curve. You have at least one interest in common. Even without a venture into the whole cyber-sex arena, you start to get to know someone, and you have an opportunity to add more common interests to the list. And I need that, if I'm going to relate to someone on a sexual level. I don't have to love him, but I certainly have to *like him. Respect him. Want to get to know him better. Look forward to seeing him online.

I was never very good at the whole one night stand thing. Oh, I had them. Some I remember vividly, others I think I've mentally blocked out *chuckle*, but that's all they were and in the grand scheme of things in my life, they don't mean much. The sex was probably good, all things considered, but there is *good sex and then there is *Good sex, with a captial G. I am going to have *Good sex with someone I like, respect, and enjoy outside of the bedroom.

And contrary to popular belief, not *all sex is *good sex.

So I guess, for me, the talking and the fucking go hand in hand, too. And frankly, I'm glad for that.

I've had some nights here in Wisconsin that I'd longed to be one of those people who can just go to a bar, pick up some unsuspecting man, fuck him stupid and send him home. But that's not really me. Could I? Yes. Should I? No.

This is not to say that every relationship (sexual or otherwise) I've had that started on line turned out well. No, there are as many freaks and liars online as you're going to meet in a club. I've gotten better at being able to spot that shit a mile off though. Or at least, I think I have.

Problem is, I don't do much gaming anymore, nor do I hang out in chat rooms. I don't even check my personal ad much. So my opportunities to meet someone in this way has been strongly curtailed, too, but I'm all right with that for now. I need for someone to get into my head, and let me get into his, and right now, I'm not sure it's possible for someone to break into mine. At least, not until I sort it out a little. I'm doing some 'spring cleaning' on that this weekend.

*achoo*

Getting all these words out onto the screen certainly helps.