Fantasies and Goals

In my early 20’s, I started reading Nancy Friday books. I think the first one I read was Women on Top. I remember at the time that there weren’t a lot of books like this. You could find an occasional erotic novel in Waldenbooks (which is pretty much what we had then), but stuff like this was pretty rare.

Anyway, I’m thinking that that’s what started me off on this path, or at least it gave me a swift kick in the ass toward this lifelong obsession with sexuality.

I was thinking about Nancy Friday books the other night and I’m thinking I’m probably going to repurchase some of them (it’s unfortunate, but if I kept every book I ever bought I’d be sitting and sleeping on them).

But it brought to mind fantasies. Everyone has them. Some people like me have write about them. Some people keep them locked inside and never reveal them. Some people will reveal them only when they feel 100% comfortable in a monogamous relationship, and even then, they will quiver in fear. People feel good about them, people feel bad about them, people base their entire lives on trying to bring every one they ever have, come to life.

The latter to me, says that it’s not a fantasy though.

There is a very big difference between a fantasy and a goal. And people who carry around these fantasies – waiting for the opportunity to present itself to have a threesome, get a spanking, have anal sex – are working toward a goal, not reveling in a healthy fantasy life.

Fantasies are just that. Fantasies. Sometimes, they do come true. Sometimes, you get very lucky – or unlucky in some cases – and get to carry them out, explore them fully.

And sometimes, you don’t.

Sometimes, you fantasize about things that you’d never even want to do out of your mind. They’re dangerous or they’re scary or they’re just plain unrealistic.

But they do serve a purpose, don’t they? They make wonderful masturbatory material and they can keep you from drifting off in a boring business meeting. You can fantasize about things that you’d never share with another soul or you can fantasize about things that you’d share with even a casual lover during pillow talk.

You can take a very elaborate fantasy – say for instance – a huge bondage fantasy complete with a leather masked master wielding a dangerous looking single tail whip – and carry it partially out with a trusted lover wearing a pair of tight jeans and wielding a wooden spoon.

Fantasies change and grow and expand and contract and…. Well if they didn’t change, wouldn’t they get boring after the first few hundred times?

I mentioned briefly that there’s a difference between a fantasy and a goal. If you can say “I want to sleep with my partner and another girl before I die.” , that leaps out of the fantasy realm and into the goal realm. There’s nothing wrong with sexual goals. Sexual goals are fun *grin. But when you begin to feel as if something that was first a fantasy for you needs to happen or you will not feel fulfilled, it leaps from fantasy land into goal land. And that’s just something we need to accept and work with.

I hold my fantasies very dearly. My fantasies are what inspire a great deal of my erotica. My fantasies change a lot, slight variations to completely brand new ones. I’m happy about that because it keeps my imagination oiled and working.

Being able to tell the difference between what’s realistic and what’s not so realistic is what separates sane from the insane. I’m sure that you’ve done that already (because no one crazy reads blogs, right?) . Stop and think about a few of yours. Are they things you really want to do? Are they things you’d share with someone you trust? Are they something that you really actually want to accomplish?

There are very few fantasies you should ever feel ashamed of. I can only think of fantasies involving insentient beings, or things that would land you in the hospital or prison that would be considered unhealthy. Anything else? Let your imagination go wild. Don’t stop yourself just because you don’t think you’ll ever get to do it. That’s not a good reason to kill a fantasy. A goal, yes. A fantasy, no.

Fantasizing exercises your imagination, your creativity and your sexuality. Providing they aren’t hurting you or anyone else, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with letting your imagination run wild.

Some days, wild is my favorite color *grin. Okay, okay. Most days.